IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Success is often measured by wealth and material belongings. Do you think wealth the best measure of success? What makes a successful person?

#success #wealth #belongings #measure #person
Usually, accomplishment is based on money and material things.
Success
 and personal achievements are linked to
wealth
 and I believe that each person has their own meaning of
success
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
on that
basis
Add a comma
,basis
show examples
wealth
 could not be taken as a reference to measure personal achievements or goals.
First
 of all, as far as I am concerned, school scores were the
first
 goal that we must
achieved
Change the verb form
achieve
show examples
. Since we are children, we learnt the importance of education, not only for the instructive scope
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the way to drive through a successful career. School make us competitive, and society reinforces
this
 feeling,
we
Correct word choice
that we
show examples
 should be better than our friends. There is a recent study that reveals the major part of university students have chosen their careers based on their future incomes and economic achievement,
hence
 to them,
wealth
 is a synonym for
success
.
For instance
, in
Spain
Add a comma
,Spain
show examples
 there is a big percentage who prefer to study Business
instead
 of Science.
Secondly
, social media plays an important role in the meaning that we have of
success
. Usually, social networks have accounts
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 content is based on luxury life and how to achieve it through hard work. Material and expensive belongings are shown as examples of
success
.
For example
, Instagram is filled
of
Change the preposition
with
show examples
 these kinds of accounts and its followers are totally convinced that
success
 is related to
this
. Personal
success
 is independent and different
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each person. I believe that what makes a successful person is always based on their own goals and of course, to me,
wealth
 is not the best way to measure
success
 in life. To me,
success
 is set with family, job career and friends.
Submitted by melisa.siverio on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: