More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The child plays a pivotal role in making the future of any country.

However

, in

this

contemporary world, adolescents from rich nations gaining more weight which can be perilous for their future. There are various reasons

besides

the increasing weight of youngsters,

Firstly

, they are more habituated to eating outside snacks. Students who spend more time at schools and colleges are attracted to the

snack

Fix the agreement mistake

snacks

show examples

in the canteen.

This

type of food consists of fats, specifically saturated fat which helps to gain weight.

Secondly

, the extravagant lifestyle of the children where they have easy access to digital gadgets for playing games;

nevertheless

likewise

activities make them lazy.

For example

, a popular mobile game like Street Fighter where one can play in a group online and it

took

Wrong verb form

takes

show examples

around half an hour for a single game, and they play for hours and hours.

Such

addiction leads them to live lazy

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

. Serious consequences are found in weighted children like, they are suffering from

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

show examples

like obesity which may cause serious health issues in future life. To illustrate, in one survey of America it was found that

due to

obesity from a

tiny

Correct word choice

young

show examples

age, adolescents can not live a longer life.

Additionally

due to

being overweight, they become more lethargic. Though they want to do certain sports activities like running and walking, they fail to perform because

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct your spelling

they

show examples

overweight.

Hence

, it affects the children in various ways.

To conclude

, as I opine, juveniles from wealthy nations are getting overweight

due to

the consumption of unhygienic food and extravagant

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

which has critical

aftermath

Fix the agreement mistake

aftermaths

show examples

like suffering from obesity disease or

may

Verb problem

apply

show examples

not

give

Verb problem

having

show examples

time for their leisure activities.

Submitted by hvyas on Wed Apr 06 2022

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay addresses the topic of increased overweight children in developed countries and provides relevant causes and effects. However, the introduction could be improved by including a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the main points you will discuss in the essay. The conclusion should summarize the key points effectively, linking back to the main topic and providing a final thought.

Task Achievement

To improve task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the essay prompt. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion of causes and effects, supported by specific examples. Consider expanding on the effects of overweight children and providing deeper insights into the consequences. Additionally, refine your language to make the ideas more precise and impactful.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
sedentary
caloric intake
processed foods
fast food culture
screen time
metabolic disorders
healthcare expenditure
lifestyle diseases
preventative strategies
nutritional education
public health policy
body mass index (BMI)
emotional well-being
stigmatization
exercise regimen
eating habits
junk food
socioeconomic factors
health literacy

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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Most people take interviews to select a person for a job. What are the other ways? What do you think is the best way to recruit new employees?

Globalization is creating a world of one culture and destroying national identity. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Many people today are worried about young children using video games. What problems might these games cause for children and society as a whole? How could these problems be reduced?

Some people believe the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be beneficial to society. Other say the purpose of education is to achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country Discuss both these views and give your opinion.