More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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The child plays a pivotal role in making the future of any country.

However

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, in

this

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contemporary world, adolescents from rich nations gaining more weight which can be perilous for their future. There are various reasons

besides

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the increasing weight of youngsters,

Firstly

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, they are more habituated to eating outside snacks. Students who spend more time at schools and colleges are attracted to the

snack

Fix the agreement mistake

snacks

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in the canteen.

This

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type of food consists of fats, specifically saturated fat which helps to gain weight.

Secondly

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, the extravagant lifestyle of the children where they have easy access to digital gadgets for playing games;

nevertheless

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likewise

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activities make them lazy.

For example

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, a popular mobile game like Street Fighter where one can play in a group online and it

took

Wrong verb form

takes

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around half an hour for a single game, and they play for hours and hours.

Such

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addiction leads them to live lazy

life

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lives

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. Serious consequences are found in weighted children like, they are suffering from

the

Correct article usage

apply

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disease

Fix the agreement mistake

diseases

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like obesity which may cause serious health issues in future life. To illustrate, in one survey of America it was found that

due to

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obesity from a

tiny

Correct word choice

young

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age, adolescents can not live a longer life.

Additionally

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due to

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being overweight, they become more lethargic. Though they want to do certain sports activities like running and walking, they fail to perform because

Change preposition

apply

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the

Correct your spelling

they

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overweight.

Hence

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, it affects the children in various ways.

To conclude

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, as I opine, juveniles from wealthy nations are getting overweight

due to

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the consumption of unhygienic food and extravagant

lifestyle

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lifestyles

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which has critical

aftermath

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aftermaths

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like suffering from obesity disease or

may

Verb problem

apply

show examples

not

give

Verb problem

having

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time for their leisure activities.

Submitted by hvyas on Wed Apr 06 2022

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Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay addresses the topic of increased overweight children in developed countries and provides relevant causes and effects. However, the introduction could be improved by including a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the main points you will discuss in the essay. The conclusion should summarize the key points effectively, linking back to the main topic and providing a final thought.

Task Achievement

To improve task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the essay prompt. Make sure to provide a balanced discussion of causes and effects, supported by specific examples. Consider expanding on the effects of overweight children and providing deeper insights into the consequences. Additionally, refine your language to make the ideas more precise and impactful.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
sedentary
caloric intake
processed foods
fast food culture
screen time
metabolic disorders
healthcare expenditure
lifestyle diseases
preventative strategies
nutritional education
public health policy
body mass index (BMI)
emotional well-being
stigmatization
exercise regimen
eating habits
junk food
socioeconomic factors
health literacy

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More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people say History is one of most important school subjects other people think that, in today world,subject like science and technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that job satisfaction is the most important factor when looking for a job. Others think that having job security is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the workplace. Why is this happening? Do you think this wil have a positive or negative impact on society?

Students are becoming more and more reliant on the Internet. While the Internet is helpful for students, it has many negative effects, and its use for educational purposes should be restricted. To what extent do you agree or disagree?