IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that teh best way to improve public health is by incressing the numbe of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other messures are required.

#people #teh #health #numbe #sports #facilities #effect #messures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As
Change preposition
With
show examples
 the development of modern society, the
health
Use synonyms
 public has become an issue, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that increasing the amount of
activities
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 would help to improve general public
health
Use synonyms
. Others believe different measures should be taken into an account. According to researchers, they all agree that doing physical
activities
Use synonyms
 the general body
health
Use synonyms
 improves.
Therefore
Linking Words
, providing more public
facilities
Use synonyms
 for the general public to perform different
activities
Use synonyms
 is the best way to promote good
health
Use synonyms
 in the population accompanied by education about how to maintain general wellbeing. Good habits in general including a healthy diet contribute to better public
health
Use synonyms
. Taking myself as an example, I use to come from work and stay at home watching TV most evenings, I used to have
health
Use synonyms
 issues often,
however
Linking Words
, after the new sports facility opened close by my home, I started attending the gym classes and swimming, gradually I started to maintain the habit of exercising and since
then
Linking Words
 my
health
Use synonyms
 has improved considerably.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 need education in good habits,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 those
facilities
Use synonyms
 will become a waste for the whole society.
Therefore
Linking Words
 we should try different measures to improve public
health
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
 creating more green paths to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to ride bikes
instead
Linking Words
 of driving for short distances and educating
people
Use synonyms
 who need it. To sum up, we should not only focus on creating more physical
activities
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
 to improve public
health
Use synonyms
, but
people
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 consider other measures to maintain general wellbeing.
Submitted by almeidamaryjoaquial on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: