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Band 5.5

In some countries, it is possible for people to have a variety of food that has been transported from all over the world. To what extent do you think its benefits outweigh the drawbacks?

#countries #people #variety #food #world
It is undeniable that some
countries
 have a tendency
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 import
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 amount of
food
 from overseas.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
this
 can bring about some benefits, I strongly argue that its negative aspects are noticeable. On the one hand, it is understandable why some governments heavily rely on some
food
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
 other
countries
. Indeed, trading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
 is considered not only an effective way to keep
food
 supply for their
countries
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but it will
also
 reasonable.
By importing
Change preposition
Importing
show examples
 foods from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
 which have competitive laboured
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 can complete the lack of the amount of
food
.
For example
, Korea has been importing most of the basic
food
such
 as rice and flour from China because the quality of rice is quite similar to those of in Korea and the
food
 price is much cheaper than the cost of inner supply.
Therefore
, the governments that handle the various transported
food
 believe that transported
food
 can keep
food
safety
Replace the word
safe
show examples
 in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 economical way.
On the other hand
,
such
this
 situation can get drawbacks.
Firstly
, the power of the country can be weakened because of the dependence on imported
food
. Specifically,
for example
, if China made
decision
Add an article
the decision
a decision
show examples
 to stop trading with Korea,
then
 Korea’s
food
 safety would be able to vulnerable.
Thus
, heavily relying on foods from other
countries
 can allow the country to be in danger situation
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world. In conclusion, the governments can handle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
food
 supply easily by using
food
Correct article usage
a food
show examples
 trade system, it is
also
 vital for the government to have self supply in terms of
food
 safety.
Submitted by summer12126 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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