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Writing Samples
Band 7

many people say that companies should give importance to their employees, whereas others say that they should give preference to customers,discuss both views and give ur opinion

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It is often argued that companies should
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
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 their employees' demands,
while
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 some believe that businesses should mainly focus on customers' requirements. I strongly agree that there is a need for balance between the two.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my viewpoint.
To begin
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 with, one of the primary reasons why I support
this
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 view is that workplaces must pay attention to employees' financial and emotional well-being.
This
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 is because if employees are satisfied with the employment entitlements, they will perform efficiently at work.
For instance
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, workers will not be focused on work unless company managers pay them well and provide them with required perks like health coverage and timely bonuses.
Therefore
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, it is evident that it is vital for a business's success to keep its staff members happy.
Furthermore
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, another compelling point is that a team's mental health is not only important for team members but
also
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 has a direct impact on a company's
overall
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 productivity.
Although
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 some may argue that consumers' needs do not carry that much significance,
this
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 is not entirely convincing because businesses cannot operate effectively without satisfying their customers.
For example
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, Apple INC is updating its products like phones and tablets almost every year with new features, appealing to its consumers immensely.
As a result
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, iPhones and MacBooks have higher sales than many other tech brands, even though the Apple brand is expensive. So, customers' needs and interests cannot be simply ignored to run a successful business. In conclusion,
although
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 both sides have their merits, I firmly believe that workplaces cannot ignore either their team members or consumers, as these two play more crucial roles in the long run.
Therefore
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, ignoring the employees’ demands can lead to frustration in them, making the work environment.
Similarly
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, businesses cannot raise their demand in the market by disregarding consumers’ interests.

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task response
Make your opinion more clear from start to end. You say you strongly agree, but the task asks for both views and your opinion. Say clearly that both are important, but staff should come first or equal if that is your real view.
task response
Develop each main idea a little more. Some points are good, but a few parts stop too soon and need one more sentence of support.
task response
Fix the last part of the conclusion. The sentence 'making the work environment' is not complete, so your final idea feels unfinished.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Most paragraphs flow well, but some links are not natural, such as moving from your view to the opposite view.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one clear topic in each paragraph. In body 1, focus on staff only; in body 2, focus on customers only. This will make your message stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and a little hard to follow. Shorter sentences can make your ideas easier to read.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
You use a clear essay shape with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task response
The Apple example is specific and helps support your point.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas connect in a logical order.
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