IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Educating young people is naturally important. However, some think governments ought to invest more education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #think #governments #education #adults
It is argued that adolescents have to be a priority in gaining learning, while others believe that the governments have to concern more about adults’ teaching.
This
 essay completely agrees that children’s schooling has to be prioritized because early discipline is the foundation that forms people’s character and youngers are fragile so they need to be guided and educated at an early life. Discipline at an early age is the most important stage in each people’s growth. Education will form the character, knowledge, and skill of the person which play big roles in their growth.
Besides
, it is easier to educate adults when they already had well practice at
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
early maturity.
For example
, in Indonesia, young people and adults who live in the city who has access to schooling behave more than those who live in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remote area which unable to gain an education. Another reason is that youngers are fragile and they need to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
guidance and discipline at an early age. Youngers can lose their way or choose the wrong way until they grow as an adult if they do not been well taught since they were children.
For example
, in the Philippines, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
drugs consumers and traders come from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
not well-educated backgrounds families or communities. In conclusion, it is more important for the government to invest more in schooling for young people because education at an early life is the key
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
foundation to
form
Wrong verb form
forming
show examples
 people’s character, knowledge, and skills. Young people are fragile and need well-teaching to guide them through their growth.
Besides
, teaching adults is easier when they have already gained well-education in their early stages of life.
Submitted by ririsgrace on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: