IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

These days, too many people maintain their health by relying on doctors and medicine, rather than by following a healthy lifestyle.

#people #health #doctors #medicine #lifestyle
I tend to think it depends on the circumstances.
People
 who have enough
money
 would prefer to use
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 to afford their
health
. These groups of
people
 usually lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
time
 as they have to work almost half-day
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their everyday routine.
Then
,
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of the
time
spend
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
 on housework. So, they need to
paid
Change the verb
pay
show examples
 their
money
 for their
health
 and wellness.
Moreover
, millionaires actually have enough
money
 to
paid
Change the form of the verb
pay
show examples
 for double
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doctors, medicine and wellness
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 for their everyday healthcare. But
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 are not
Add an article
a machine
show examples
machine
Fix the agreement mistake
machines
show examples
, external resources cannot repair our body to be
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a new one.
However
, I believe the best way is not to
overtaken
Wrong verb form
overtake
show examples
 medicine in
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 but to exercise
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
internal
Correct article usage
the internal
show examples
 of the body. It would constantly maintain physical
health
.
Consequently
, It is
good
Change the article
a good
show examples
 idea for
people
 who can
paid
Change the verb form
pay
be paid
show examples
 their
money
 to afford their
health
 if they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
really lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
 but it would be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
best if
people
 could spend a little
time
 in their day for the exercises.
Submitted by meeny_tm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: