IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Schools should do more to teach students about their health and wellbeing. Do you agree or disagree?

#schools #students #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Schools
Use synonyms
 play a pivotal and contributing factor in early childhood development. As much as education is important for their future,
health
Use synonyms
 and wellbeing are equally crucial. Even
schools
Use synonyms
 are one of the best platforms to acquire knowledge regarding
this
Linking Words
 matter.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is agreed that
schools
Use synonyms
 should focus more on well-being education.
firstly
Linking Words
, why
schools
Use synonyms
 are the best place for
this
Linking Words
 because
this
Linking Words
 is the only place where they will not only learn about these things but they can
also
Linking Words
 help their class fellows when needed.
additionally
Linking Words
, since the majority of the precious time pupil spend in
schools
Use synonyms
 and there are no other platforms where they can learn about the
health
Use synonyms
 education.
for example
Linking Words
, like other subjects, if they
also
Linking Words
 have one class on how to improve
health
Use synonyms
 and mental wellbeing, students will excel not only in academics but
also
Linking Words
 in
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 life.
Secondly
Linking Words
, childhood is a crucial period for everyone. Kids at
this
Linking Words
 stage are like a sponge, they can absorb the maximum amount of information and
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
show examples
 about
health
Use synonyms
 from early childhood will not only help them to treat themselves better but their families as well. In the conclusion, the issue of
health
Use synonyms
 is somewhere neglected in some communities because children have never been taught its importance of it
therefore
Linking Words
 it is highly important to consider
this
Linking Words
 as a major part of the learning.
Submitted by MK on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: