IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extent do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
Living in
this
 technological age, everyone would enjoy spending leisure time on social
media
 and gaining the innovative community and entertainment. With both inefficient causes from social
media
 towards time management, disclosure communications and insignificant fees. While many youth's beliefs are on the greater side, I will demonstrate the sudden causes of social
media
 applications from my own perspective as the one the digital
users
Fix the agreement mistake
user
show examples
. The primary reason why these application
sites
 are easily addictive is through multiple features is that people lose attention to realism.
Although
 the experience
widespread
Add a missing verb
is widespread
show examples
 in repetitive cyberspace and accommodate connecting to another, they are using those
sites
 to adapt to desirable demands.
For instance
, the college student who looking for better price deals for a similar laptop that Facebook markets are significant options to reach out
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
 These outstanding
research
Replace the word
researchers
show examples
 encounter the upcoming problem when they start being under control to repeat
this
 habitual behaviour. Using the mobile phone for a long duration is affecting mental health by increasing depression, self-harm and learning capabilities;
otherwise
, wasted time on other inspections.
Secondly
, the growing technologies on several businesses that dive into cyberspace security and networking
sites
 all sorts of.
In addition
, advertisements preserve get shape deseparated on society standards
such
 as possible inexpensive-trip, luxurious estates and instant services.
Moreover
, the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
younger generation intended trustful knowledge of ethical policies is happening around.
For instance
, employees must receive four vaccinations and qualified immunizations before returning to
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
a workplace
show examples
 which is not applied by government laws.
Conversely
, these certain problems increase aspects of using social
media
 inappropriate have led to publishing command or personal information leaking. In
summarise
Change the form of the verb
summarising
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the economic attribution of networking
sites
 to sustainable businesses.
However
, I truly agree with the health conditions and informative appearances rather than beneficial themselves affected in the commonplace.
Submitted by nhunggphamm on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: