IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that students should acquire working experience during their gap year instead of travelling. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and include relevant examples

#people #students #gap #year
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The precedence of practical work versus travelling which was always a hotly debatable topic has now become more controversial
while
 copious folks claim that it is essential for pupils to get hands-on experience during their year of break.
while
 critics argue that it is not mandatory
instead
 students should visit different parts of the world. In my, opinion the formal propositions appear to be more rational.
This
 essay will
further
 elaborate my views on the positive and negative aspects of the trend and
thus
 will lead to a logical conclusion.
Firstly
, commencing with the first argument
according to
 my point of view gaining physical experience is
benefitted
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
 to admission not only in their future careers but
also
 enhance their learning skill.
Furthermore
, in many parts of the world, it is crucial for the learner to get training after their initial studies
owing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to pursue
further
 education. to exemplify, in Pakistan majority of admission get a year gap after matriculation to join a firm for practical experience and numerous institutions prefer to get admission who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 some kind of background exposure.
such
 recruitment
also
 appeared to be more successful.
Moreover
, many colleges
also
 offer scholarships to trained pupils.
Secondly
, In comparison to the second argument, numerous people acknowledged that travelling and tourist destination is vital for student owing to
refreshing
Correct article usage
a refreshing
show examples
 mind after a stressful academic period.
in addition
,
such
 tourism enables a person to explore nature, culture
as well as
 a history
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are advantageous for their career growth
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 provides relaxation
that is
 essential for a student. to illustrate a recent study indicates that more than 60% of parents particularly, Uk prefer to send their children on vacation to various countries after their elementary school completion in order to get some comfort and explore different cultures and histories because the next era will be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism.
Finally
, to recapitulate
according to
 the aforementioned arguments reach a conclusion that both views have their own values and importance but we are dwelling in the age of modernization that requires practical exposure
that is
 not necessary for recruitment but
also
 demanded.
Submitted by Shabanraza489 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Improve clarity and structure of the introduction and conclusion to make them more explicit and relevant to the topic.
Task Achievement
Provide a more comprehensive response to all parts of the task by elaborating on the advantages and disadvantages of both views with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: