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Band 5.5

Some believe that nuclear weapons benefit the world at large. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #weapons #benefit #world
In today’s
world
, nuclear arsenals have been playing
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
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 role in humanity.
Furthermore
, it is argued that it has some merits to the
world
 to large extent;
however
, from my angle,I strongly disagree with
this
 notion since it can conducive to some probable serious problems in people’s life. On the one hand, nuclear bombs can be clearly viewed that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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contributes
Wrong verb form
contributing
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 to becoming the end of the
world
 in some cases.
Besides
, not only does it destroys the
world
Change noun form
world's
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 safety, but
also
 it has detrimental impacts on the
next
 generation’s life.
Moreover
, what
this
 entails is that health issues could be observed
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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like
Hiroshima
Correct article usage
the Hiroshima
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 incident.To illustrate, it is
known
Correct article usage
a known
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 terminal disease that cancer is terminated by
atomic
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the atomic
an atomic
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 bomb.
Additionally
,
this
 disease
spreading
Wrong verb form
spread
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 to the Black Sea of Turkey ,
besides
, people influenced by cancer
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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suffered
from
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 long period of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time.
As a result
, if the tremendous effects of the atomic bomb
is
Change the verb form
are
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 remembered by people, they will understand why it is harmful to
world
Add an article
the world
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.
On the other hand
, some countries
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 have nuclear weapons are
threat
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a threat
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 to others by virtue of the conflict between the countries. What is more, these
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
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 cannot reach a consensus on borders, thereby, they frighten their worldwide citizens by using bombs.
For instance
, nowadays people are faced with
cold
Correct article usage
a cold
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 war between Russia and Ukraine, and
some
Change preposition
in some
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 cases Putin, who is the leader of Russia indicates to use their nuclear arsenals. Taking everything into account, having considered
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 sides of nuclear weapons, it has
Correct your spelling
no
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not
Correct your spelling
no
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 beneficial features to the
world
 as well as humankind.
Submitted by haticecoza on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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