IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Environmental issues are believed to be the most urgent problem nowadays since they can directly bring effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the earth.
Expert
Fix the agreement mistake
Experts
show examples
 in
environmental
Add an article
the environmental
show examples
 field
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that the
disappearing
Replace the word
disappearance
show examples
 of plants and
animals
 is the most negative impact. Meanwhile, others state it is not as fundamental as there are other problems to concern.
However
, I firmly believe that once
species
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 into existence, human beings will be in danger.
Initially
, specific
species
 play critical roles in balancing the ecosystem. Every plant and animal
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 its own function to maintain the cycle of nature.
For example
, predators hunt and eat
other animal
Change the wording
another animal
other animals
show examples
 to survive, and the hunted eat grass which
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 oxygen to the living
creates
Replace the word
creatures
show examples
.
Therefore
, it establishes a cycle that can be irreplaceable. If an element loses its role, the balance of
ecosystem
Add an article
the ecosystem
show examples
 will be broken down. Another reason is that plants and
animals
 provide
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 to human beings in
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
 field. Sime exceptional herbs are being used to create drugs and vaccines which mandatorily cure some specific diseases.
For instance
, there are some plants
particularly
Add the comma(s)
,particularly
show examples
 herbs and
animals
 can only be detected in the East
such
 as
China
Change preposition
in China
show examples
 and Vietnam which merely are consumed to heal patients with rare diseases.
As a result
, if particular
species
 no longer exist, it would be a threat to millions of people. Other environmental experts would acknowledge it is not as crucial as other
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. They believe global warming could be the most considerable crisis since it is the contribution
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 existence of human beings and
species
.
For example
, the
increasing
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in sea level is becoming higher which maybe devour land of
animals
 and
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
show examples
.
Consequently
, every living creature can be impacted. If we concentrate on global warming, we may preserve all the valuable
species
.
Submitted by trankhanhnhi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: