IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people believe that nature plays a more significant impact on human adult intelligence, while others claim that an individual can train himself to become high intelligent. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #nature #impact #adult #intelligence #train
The topic of
intelligence
 has always been controversial
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it can be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a thing acquired as an inheritance, or as a technique developed by honest
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
. Because on the one
hand
, of course, the structure of brain neurons can be inherited, but
on the other
hand
, the desire to reach heights
also
 plays a predominant role. In
this
 essay, I will cover both points of view, and give my opinion on
intelligence
.   On the one
hand
, you can notice in different
people
 a certain predisposition to various kinds of activities. According to the theory of nine types of
intelligence
, someone is better at learning languages, someone has more developed empathy, and
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
someone
Add a comma
,someone
show examples
 arithmetic equations have always been the easiest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the school curriculum. We
also
 know that genes transmit Intellectual Ratio
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because very often the children of genius scientists are
also
genius
Fix the agreement mistake
genii
show examples
. 
On the other
hand
, always
people
 who really worked and tried always achieved their
goal
Fix the agreement mistake
goals
show examples
.
Therefore
, many
people
 do not accept when they
told
Add a missing verb
are told
show examples
, "How talented you are", because all
this
 was given to them with great effort. Often
people
 who do not develop their abilities in any way end up not as developed as persistent and diligent
people
. If a person has a sincere desire to achieve something,
then
 he really will spend hours and years in order to achieve the goal.   In conclusion, having analyzed both sides, I am inclined to conclude that certainly different
people
 have varying degrees of ability to occupations, but at the same time, of course, with constant perseverance and effort, you can achieve maximum results, and
consequently
 develop
intelligence
.
Submitted by klysh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: