Task 2: People think that children nowadays have more freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom

Nowadays, people tend to believe that children have more autonomy than they had in the past. Hereafter, I will underline why I partly support

this

statement.

Firstly

, I think that someone's rate of freedom depends on their personal situation and

this

has not changed over the years.

This

is because some people do not have the financial

recourses

Correct your spelling

resources

show examples

within their families to do everything they want.

For example

, if you have to get by with 50

euro's

Change noun form

euros

show examples

a week with your whole household, you will not have the financial opportunities to

occupy

Verb problem

show examples

the same activities as someone without these problems.

Furthermore

, there are more laws and social control within society.

Hence

, you need to be more aware of what you post on social media or the way you behave.

For instance

, if you post on social media that you drove a car

while

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

drunk, others will not accept it in the same way as they did a few decades ago.

Consequently

, it will decrease your social rights.

Nevertheless

, the parents of the children are demanding less from their kids.

Subsequently

, they have more liberation to do the things they really like

instead

of listening to their parent's ideas. When your parents told you to work 30 years ago, you had no other choice than to get hired. Today, you have more liberation to decide if you really want to do that. In conclusion, people have more freedom if they have the right financial conditions and if they are aware of the societal control of their behaviour.

Submitted by larsvdknaap on Tue Apr 12 2022

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improvement

Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing the factors influencing children's freedom but could benefit from a clearer stance on the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees. Consider providing a more definitive position and supporting it throughout the essay.

improvement

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay exhibits a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, to enhance coherence, ensure each paragraph is focused on one main idea and transitions smoothly to the next. Additionally, use cohesive devices such as transition words to connect ideas more effectively.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

257 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Task 2: People think that children nowadays have more freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in studies. causes amd solutions?

The growth of consumerism has led to a ‘throw-away’ culture where people are more concerned with acquiring material possessions than protecting the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some people believe that governments should not provide international aid when they have unemployment and homelessness in their country.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that school and government should take responsibility to transport children to school. While some people think that parents should get children to school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that employment over the age of 60 is not right and creates lots of problems. So people should retire after 60 and not work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?