IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some high school required all student to wear school uniform other higher school permit student to decide what to wear to school. which of these two school policies you think is better?

Academic and Professional background I graduated in 2014 with a
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
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 degree in doctor of dental surgery
in
Change preposition
apply
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2014
at
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from
show examples
 Cantho University of Medicine and Pharmacy, Vietnam. After graduation, I worked as a community
health
Use synonyms
 worker and dental clinician at a local medical
center
Change the spelling
centre
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at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Can Tho city, Vietnam for 4 years. In 2018, I was awarded a scholarship from the Danish government including
full
Correct article usage
a full
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 tuition fee waiver and
monthly
Correct article usage
a monthly
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 stipend
around
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of around
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 1100 CAD for my
master
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master's
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 education in Public
Health
Use synonyms
 at the University of Southern Denmark. After graduation in 2020, I decided to apply for a visa extension to stay in Denmark with a motivation to explore
this
Linking Words
 beautiful country and enrich more practical experience
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public
health
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 and
health
Use synonyms
 technology area. During my time in Denmark, I collaborated with a start-up company in Copenhagen as a medical advisor to work on a digital
health
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 project about developing a wearable device that helps monitor patients with chronic lung diseases remotely. I feel very fascinated
about
Change preposition
by
show examples
this
Linking Words
 project and it has nurtured my strong interest in
Use synonyms
health
Add an article
the health
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 technology area. My career motivation I have a strong interest in technology and want to combine it with my background in healthcare to enhance treatment quality, disease prevention and life quality of patients and healthcare workers. I am
also
Linking Words
 passionate
on
Change preposition
about
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 starting my own
Use synonyms
health tech
Add a hyphen
health-tech
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 company in the future to provide affordable medical devices and digital care services to improve
life
Add an article
the life
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 quality of patients.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 dream of working as a university lecturer who provides training to medical professionals and
researcher
Fix the agreement mistake
researchers
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 to conduct digital
health
Use synonyms
 research in Vietnam.
As a result
Linking Words
, enrolling in a professional
health
Use synonyms
 informatics
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
 program will be a legitimate choice to help me equip fundamental knowledge in digital
health
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, learn how eHealth innovations are applied and sharpen my technical skills in data analysis. Why
Canada
Use synonyms
? There are several reasons that motivate me to pursue my education in
Canada
Use synonyms
. At
first
Linking Words
, I wish to learn in a peaceful and friendly environment as in
Canada
Use synonyms
 where international students are welcomed by warm and friendly local Canadians and given opportunities to learn and integrate with the local culture.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 is one of the countries that equip top-notch medical facilities with novel research and talented experts in the medical fields.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Canada
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 applied numerous innovative eHealth applications at different levels from electronic medical records at hospitals to telemedicine or remote monitoring systems
at home
Add a hyphen
at-home
show examples
 care facilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, students will be able to approach these modern facilities and learn from experts in the field.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the tuition fee in
Canada
Use synonyms
 is quite affordable compared to other countries
such
Linking Words
 as America or Australia where the tuition fee and living
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 are more costly.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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