IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many museums charge people for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #people #admission
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With the development of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
, there are various
museums
Use synonyms
 in our country.
However
Linking Words
, it is argued that whether a free
admission
Use synonyms
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to be more
benefit
Replace the word
beneficial
show examples
. In my opinion,
obviously
Add a comma
,obviously
show examples
 there are some advantages of
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
charging
admission
Use synonyms
, but a free
admission
Use synonyms
 would contribute to the
society
Use synonyms
 more in the long term. The charged fee can provide capital for the organizations which
opertae
Correct your spelling
operate
 the
museums
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the organizations could offer a better service
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the support of the funds. The authorities may allocate the capital to refresh the related
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 and recruit more qualified employees. Aiming for earning more profit, the owners are motivated to run the
museums
Use synonyms
 well.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, people who
pays
Change the verb form
pay
show examples
 for visiting the museum, tend to be more careful. They may take more time to visit which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the tourist more effective.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 it would benefit
society
Use synonyms
 more if the governments provide free
admission
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
museum
Correct article usage
a museum
show examples
 is a place where parents accompany their children to go often.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is a good chance for authorities to kindle children's and
teenager's
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers'
show examples
 interest
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 history, art and technology.
This
Linking Words
 is significant to the development of a country since they are the future of our country.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
museum
Add an article
the museum
show examples
 is an important site for citizens to
broad
Replace the word
broaden
show examples
 their knowledge of history and build their cultural
confidences
Fix the agreement mistake
confidence
show examples
.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
develop
Replace the word
development
show examples
of
society
Use synonyms
, the importance of civilization is more important.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, most of the
museums
Use synonyms
 are operated by governments, as the taxpayer, the citizens should
be entitle
Change the verb form
be entitled
show examples
 to free
admission
Use synonyms
. In summary, a charged
admission
Use synonyms
 may encourage owners to
surve
Correct your spelling
serve
 a better service,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it is more helpful for the
society
Use synonyms
 by providing an equal chance for citizens
access
Fix the infinitive
to access
show examples
 to
museums
Use synonyms
.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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