Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organization. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantage?

Self-employment has always been viewed as the best type of
Fix the agreement mistake
occupation
show examples
occupations
Fix the agreement mistake
occupation
show examples
and some people have been trying to run their own
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
instead
of being recruited by companies for years.
Although
it might be preferable to be employed by others, being self-employed suffers from the disadvantages that leave them with a great amount of expenses and little time for themselves. The following essay will look at two reasons that I believe make
this
phenomenon negative.
Firstly
, running new businesses
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
owners to invest a lot of money to compete with successful existing companies.
This
is because for a small company to be known they need to either have good advertisements or provide better services.
For instance
, it is hard to encourage a customer to buy sneakers from an unknown brand
while
they are satisfied with Nike or Adidas
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
unless these new products are being advertised by famous people who charge them
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
to introduce
this
new product on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media.
Consequently
, regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the
competitory
Correct your spelling
competitive
environment of
twentieth-century
Add an article
the twentieth-century
a twentieth-century
show examples
industry, being successful needs
ones
Fix the agreement mistake
one
show examples
to spend
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
.
Secondly
, owning a business gets several hours of a day to regulate
every thing
Correct your spelling
everything
show examples
, especially if it is new.
In other words
, an employee usually works for specific hours a day and
rests
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
at home
while
owners not only should work during those hours but
also
are usually involved with the job at their homes.
For example
, the owner of a new company receives several phone calls from different employees out of
workhours
Correct your spelling
work hours
show examples
and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
to manage all for their business to be remunerative.
Thus
, they are busy every
days
Change to a singular noun
day
show examples
and are deprived of an off day, which employees are
privillage
Correct your spelling
privileged
privilege
to have.
To sum up
,
self-employement
Correct your spelling
self-employment
might have a good image, but I believe its disadvantages negate its benefits. For a new company to grow, owners should spend most of their money and time.
Submitted by panizfathi70128 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with examples but could be more relevant and focused. There are some logical coherence and cohesive issues, and the logical structure could be improved to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the task, with clear and comprehensive ideas. However, the examples provided could be more relevant and focused. Make sure to address the question directly and present a well-organized response with more specific and appropriate examples.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: