In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?
Nowadays, the activity like shopping has become popular in
the
society. Some Correct article usage
apply
people
may treat it as a hobby because it brings happiness in the process. However
, there is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
another
Replace the adjective
other
people
think
that it will negatively affect Correct pronoun usage
who think
people
Change noun form
people's
behavior
, Change the spelling
behaviour
such
as Correct your spelling
overspending
over spending
. In my opinion, I agree that shopping is good for Correct your spelling
overspending
people
and it can be a proper hobby. Later, I will explain it with examples in the essay.
Firstly
, physical walk in
shopping Add a hyphen
walk-in
it
is Correct pronoun usage
apply
a
good for health. Change the article
apply
For example
, some reseach
shows that prolonged walking can decrease the death rate. Brisk walking is a nice exercise that helps shoppers to get a healthier body. Correct your spelling
research
Moreover
, purchasing goods in
stops can reduce stress. Change preposition
at
People
can enjoy not only the process of buying goods,
but before searching for goods and after. Shoppers can experience excitement through Remove the comma
apply
imagination
of shopping and after they made their decision in the store, they can enjoy the good feelings after buying their loving Add an article
the imagination
stuffs
.
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
On the other hand
, some people
say that shopping will negatively affect people
, such
as building an Correct your spelling
overspending
over spending
Correct your spelling
overspending
behavior
in shoppers. Change the spelling
behaviour
However
, it is not a big problem of uncontrolled shopping behavior
since the government and school Change the spelling
behaviour
has
already promoted and educated Change the verb form
have
to
Change preposition
apply
people
about the
proper financial management when they were young.
In conclusion, I believe that shopping is a good hobby that helps Correct article usage
apply
people
to have a balanced and healthier life. It would be well controlled if the government and school
promote more about the proper management Fix the agreement mistake
schools
on
personal wealth allocation.Change preposition
of
Submitted by cheung19940213 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite