In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

Nowadays, the activity like shopping has become popular in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Some
people
may treat it as a hobby because it brings happiness in the process.
However
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
another
Replace the adjective
other
show examples
people
think
Correct pronoun usage
who think
show examples
that it will negatively affect
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
such
as
Correct your spelling
overspending
show examples
over spending
Correct your spelling
overspending
show examples
. In my opinion, I agree that shopping is good for
people
and it can be a proper hobby. Later, I will explain it with examples in the essay.
Firstly
, physical
walk in
Add a hyphen
walk-in
show examples
shopping
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
good for health.
For example
, some
reseach
Correct your spelling
research
shows that prolonged walking can decrease the death rate. Brisk walking is a nice exercise that helps shoppers to get a healthier body.
Moreover
, purchasing goods
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
stops can reduce stress.
People
can enjoy not only the process of buying goods
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but before searching for goods and after. Shoppers can experience excitement through
imagination
Add an article
the imagination
show examples
of shopping and after they made their decision in the store, they can enjoy the good feelings after buying their loving
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
.
On the other hand
, some
people
say that shopping will negatively affect
people
,
such
as building an
Correct your spelling
overspending
show examples
over spending
Correct your spelling
overspending
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
in shoppers.
However
, it is not a big problem of uncontrolled shopping
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
since the government and school
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
already promoted and educated
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proper financial management when they were young. In conclusion, I believe that shopping is a good hobby that helps
people
to have a balanced and healthier life. It would be well controlled if the government and
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
promote more about the proper management
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
personal wealth allocation.
Submitted by cheung19940213 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • retail therapy
  • materialism
  • disposable income
  • economic growth
  • financial instability
  • environmental impact
  • social interaction
  • community building
  • emotional satisfaction
  • advertising influence
  • shopping habits
What to do next:
Look at other essays: