Some people think that museum should be an enjoyable places to attract and entertain young people. Others think the purpose of museum is educating not entertaining. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Many people believe that
musems
Correct your spelling
museums
are
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
where every person, especially youngsters, enjoy and can
last
their time
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
observing items, while others claim that
this
place
is a centre of education rather than
Change the capitalization
Disneyland
show examples
disneyland
Correct article usage
a disneyland
show examples
.
This
essay will
discusses
Change the verb form
discuss
show examples
both arguments and
then
I will give my own perspective. The main reason why a big number of people visit
museums
with their children is to expand
outlook
Correct pronoun usage
their outlook
show examples
by demonstrating local history, famous ancestors and old customs. As well as
this
,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generation only
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
to enjoy
instead
of getting knowledge about something.
For example
, many
researches
Change the wording
types of research
pieces of research
kinds of research
show examples
conclude that
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
generation
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
a great deal of time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media rather than reading books.
In addition
, by visiting
such
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
of places they can be more aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
their country and citizens. If
museums
are constructed as an
antractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
interactive
place
it would catch more attention by
adolecents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
.
Furthermore
,
museums
are more likely to be fun and useful for building close relationships between
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
and
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
.
On the other hand
, there are several strong arguments
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
sees
Correct subject-verb agreement
see
show examples
museums
as an educational
place
. As far as
museums
are concerned
tradisionalists
Correct your spelling
traditionalists
argue with
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
opinion. The key reason for
this
lacking of understanding
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
museum
is
Add a missing verb
are is
show examples
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
teenagers.
Moreover
, teenagers seek only enjoyment rather than gaining something that they do not know.
Also
, items which are exhibited in
museums
are very historical.
Thus
people ought to visit for educational purposes. In conclusion,there are merits and drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
arguments,
hence
both notions can
taken
Change the verb form
be taken
take
show examples
into consideration.
However
, on balance, I lean
to
Change preposition
toward
show examples
the idea that supervisors of
museums
try to use
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
of both approaches.
Submitted by khushnudrustamovich on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: