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Band 4.5

Today we can see excessive consumption of natural resources such as air, fresh water, oil, and so on. The usage is increasing at a very dangerous pace and is already reaching critical levels. What are the reasons contributing to this? What should be done to minimize the effects?

#consumption #resources #air #water #oil #usage #pace #levels #effects
Nowadays, there is a considerable rise in terms of relying on natural
resources
 including air,
fresh water
Correct your spelling
freshwater
show examples
, oil etc. Due to the fact that
this
 increasement occurs speedily, it becomes more hazardous day by day. I would like to mention some of its causes and possible solutions to prevent it.
To begin
 with, causes of hyper use of natural
resources
, overpopulation can be considered
as
Change preposition
at
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top
Add an article
the top
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 of it. The population is growing substantially and the more crowded the population are, the more unnecessary consumption they make.
Considerable
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A considerable
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 amount of people
is
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are
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 relying on oil
so as
Correct word choice
apply
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to fuel their private cars every single day. As well as wasting
fresh water
Correct your spelling
freshwater
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 is another trend problem that
on
Add a missing verb
is on
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Add an article
the rise
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rise
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rising
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 since people spend extended time in the shower. Another thing is,
society
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that society
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 is not exactly conscious, indeed they
are not really care
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do not really care
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 about the waste
nor
Correct word choice
or
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 the importance of natural
resources
.
For instance
, in my country, there
are
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is
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number
Change the article
a number
the number
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 of people
not
Correct pronoun usage
who not
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 only take shower for hours but
also
not
Add a missing verb
do not
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see
Wrong verb form
seeing
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 it as a problem. When it comes to the solutions,
government
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the government
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 is capable of
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
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 the waste
with
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by
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 putting some restrictions
to
Change preposition
on
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 the amount of using these
resources
 per head.
Besides
 that, reinforcements are
also
 needed. To clarify, in a country I read about before,
government
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the government
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 gives free tokens used for supermarket
discount
Fix the agreement mistake
discounts
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 to one who used up
least
Correct article usage
the least
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 water
on
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in
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 that month.
Additionally
,
government
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the government
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 must raise public awareness
by
Change preposition
through
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 education programs free of charge to encourage them to be more cautious in regard to
Correct article usage
the use
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use
Wrong verb form
using
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natural
Change preposition
of natural
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resources
. All in all, humanity is
in
Change preposition
apply
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a
Remove the article
apply
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risk
for
Change preposition
of
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 facing
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
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 of using
resources
 much more than necessary. So
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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,
government
Add an article
the government
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 should take an action to prevent these possible detrimental consequences as soon as possible.
Otherwise
, future generations are
waited
Wrong verb form
waiting
show examples
 by a troublesome world.
Submitted by haticecoza on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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