The growing number of overweight is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved.some people think that the best way to deal with this issue is that introduce more physical activities in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#strain #health #care #system #effort #people #activities #school #curriculum

Most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

diseases

Add an article

the diseases

show examples

are caused by

overweight

Add a missing verb

being overweight

show examples

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

Increasing

Add an article

An increasing

The increasing

show examples

number

Correct article usage

the number

show examples

of fat

people

cause

Correct subject-verb agreement

causes

show examples

strain on the

health

care

system

. Some

people

suggest that body movement

activities

should add to

school

Add an article

the school

show examples

syllabus. I personally agree that

involve

Wrong verb form

involving

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

physical

activities

in the school curriculum to dilute

overweight

Correct article usage

the overweight

show examples

issue

Fix the agreement mistake

issues

show examples

and enhance

health

Correct article usage

the health

show examples

care

system

This

essay will

sunstantiate

Correct your spelling

substantiate

my opinion

Change preposition

show examples

the paragraph below. Beginning with the

first

reason, the

incrasing

Correct your spelling

increasing

of detrimental food nowadays is more easily accessible.

Teenager

Fix the agreement mistake

Teenagers

show examples

getting a chance to gain weight

Change the word

apply

show examples

faster than before.

Hence

, putting physical education into the curriculum is one way to prevent

Correct your spelling

increasing

incresing

Correct article usage

an incresing

show examples

number

of overweight.

For example

, if we add the movement

activities

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

diseases

occured

Correct your spelling

occurred

Change preposition

show examples

the students because they are forced to move their

body

Fix the agreement mistake

bodies

show examples

according to the subject. There

Change the verb form

are

show examples

not only

enhence

Correct your spelling

enhance

enhanced

health

issues but

also

creativities as well.

Excersise

Correct your spelling

Exercise

Change the article

the

show examples

main key to

prevent

Wrong verb form

preventing

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

harmful diseases.

Secondly

, some

people

said that prevention is much cheaper than

resolve

Replace the word

resolution

show examples

Sedentary

Correct article usage

A sedentary

show examples

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

can lead to many

sickness

Change to a plural noun

sicknesses

show examples

. If

people

do more outdoor

activities

the blood circulation

system

work as a

preventor

Correct your spelling

prevention

for soft

tissue

Add a hyphen

tissue-damaging

show examples

damaging

Replace the word

damage

show examples

in our body. In conclusion,

refering

Correct your spelling

referring

reasons

Correct article usage

the reasons

show examples

above

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

physical

activities

can reduce

Correct article usage

the

show examples

chance of

ailment

Correct article usage

an ailment

show examples

. Adding more physical

activies

Correct your spelling

activities

activity

in the academic

instutitions

Correct your spelling

institutions

increase

Change the article

the

show examples

number

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

population

Fix the agreement mistake

populations

show examples

in the future. The

less

Correct quantifier usage

fewer

show examples

number

sickness

Replace the word

sick

show examples

people

the less strain on the

health

care

system

. The

goverment

Correct your spelling

government

can retain the taxes which

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

use

Change the form of the verb

used

show examples

to spend on the

system

Submitted by sarawanee.ph on Sat Apr 16 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
55Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

255 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
The concept of success has varying interpretations. Some individuals attribute success to hard work and determination, while others emphasize factors such as wealth and physical appearance as being more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, it is generally believed that hard work and perseverance can make a person successful, but others believe that wealth and beauty are the most important parts of achievement. In this article, I will review both sides of the argument in search of a conclusion.
7.5
band
In order to truly innovate, continued hard work is more important than intelligence. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?
Innovation always stems from rudimentary factors that trigger a disruption to initiate a new idea. The debate over whether knowledge or determination to hard work has the biggest influence over innovation. It is my contention that to innovate a combination of both hard work and intelligence is crucial, therefore, each bears equal importance.
7
band
In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?
It is observed that traditional festivals and celebrations in some regions around the globe are vanishing or at risk of disappearance. Although there are certain issues brought about by this movement, some solutions can help tackle them.
7
band
People nowadays tend to have children at older ages. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.
The question about the perfect time to have children is debatable. In recent times, the trend of having children has increased significantly. This essay will discuss both the positive and negative outcomes of having children at older ages, while also explaining why the advantages tend to outweigh any perceived downsides .
7.5
band
Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discussion both views and give your opinion.
Researchers believe that humans are causing harm to their overall well-being by consuming uncontrollable portions of junk food . Some individuals say that the solution to this issue is to teach the population about what they are putting in their bodies, the rest suppose that it will not help. This essay will discuss the views of both sides of the phenomenon with accurate examples and my opinion will be given.

The growing number of overweight is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved.some people think that the best way to deal with this issue is that introduce more physical activities in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

The concept of success has varying interpretations. Some individuals attribute success to hard work and determination, while others emphasize factors such as wealth and physical appearance as being more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In order to truly innovate, continued hard work is more important than intelligence. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

People nowadays tend to have children at older ages. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages.

Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discussion both views and give your opinion.