The growing number of overweight is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved.some people think that the best way to deal with this issue is that introduce more physical activities in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Most
of
Change preposition
apply
diseases
are caused by Add an article
the diseases
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
issue
. Fix the agreement mistake
issues
Increasing
Add an article
An increasing
The increasing
number
of fat Correct article usage
the number
people
cause
strain on the Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
health
care system
. Some people
suggest that body movement activities
should add to school
syllabus. I personally agree that Add an article
the school
involve
Wrong verb form
involving
the
physical Correct article usage
apply
activities
in the school curriculum to dilute overweight
Correct article usage
the overweight
issue
and enhance Fix the agreement mistake
issues
health
care Correct article usage
the health
system
. This
essay will sunstantiate
my opinion Correct your spelling
substantiate
on
the paragraph below.
Beginning with the Change preposition
in
first
reason, the incrasing
of detrimental food nowadays is more easily accessible. Correct your spelling
increasing
Teenager
getting a chance to gain weight Fix the agreement mistake
Teenagers
more
faster than before. Change the word
apply
Hence
, putting physical education into the curriculum is one way to prevent Correct your spelling
increasing
incresing
Correct article usage
an incresing
number
of overweight. For example
, if we add the movement activities
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
less
diseases Change the quantifier
fewer
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
to
the students because they are forced to move their Change preposition
in
body
according to the subject. There Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
is
not only Change the verb form
are
enhence
Correct your spelling
enhance
enhanced
health
issues but also
creativities as well. Excersise
is Correct your spelling
Exercise
a
main key to Change the article
the
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
the
harmful diseases. Correct article usage
apply
Secondly
, some people
said that prevention is much cheaper than resolve
. Replace the word
resolution
Sedentary
Correct article usage
A sedentary
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
life style
can lead to many Correct your spelling
lifestyle
sickness
. If Change to a plural noun
sicknesses
people
do more outdoor activities
the blood circulation system
work as a preventor
for soft Correct your spelling
prevention
tissue
Add a hyphen
tissue-damaging
damaging
in our body.
In conclusion, Replace the word
damage
refering
to Correct your spelling
referring
reasons
above Correct article usage
the reasons
the
physical Correct article usage
apply
activities
can reduce a
chance of Correct article usage
the
ailment
. Adding more physical Correct article usage
an ailment
activies
in the academic Correct your spelling
activities
activity
instutitions
increase Correct your spelling
institutions
a
Change the article
the
number
of healthy
Add an article
a healthy
population
in the future. The Fix the agreement mistake
populations
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
number
of sickness
Replace the word
sick
people
the less strain on the health
care system
. The goverment
can retain the taxes which Correct your spelling
government
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
use
to spend on the Change the form of the verb
used
system
.Submitted by sarawanee.ph on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!