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The growing number of overweight is putting strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved.some people think that the best way to deal with this issue is that introduce more physical activities in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#strain #health #care #system #effort #people #activities #school #curriculum
Most
of
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apply
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diseases
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the diseases
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 are caused by
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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.
Increasing
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An increasing
The increasing
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number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of fat
people
cause
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causes
show examples
 strain on the
health
 care
system
. Some
people
 suggest that body movement
activities
 should add to
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
 syllabus. I personally agree that
involve
Wrong verb form
involving
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical
activities
 in the school curriculum to dilute
overweight
Correct article usage
the overweight
show examples
issue
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issues
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 and enhance
health
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the health
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 care
system
.
This
 essay will
sunstantiate
Correct your spelling
substantiate
 my opinion
on
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in
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 the paragraph below. Beginning with the
first
 reason, the
incrasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 of detrimental food nowadays is more easily accessible.
Teenager
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Teenagers
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 getting a chance to gain weight
more
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apply
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faster than before. 
Hence
, putting physical education into the curriculum is one way to prevent
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increasing
incresing
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an incresing
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number
 of overweight.
For example
, if we add the movement
activities
more
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apply
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the
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apply
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less
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fewer
show examples
 diseases
occured
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occurred
to
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in
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 the students because they are forced to move their
body
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bodies
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 according to the subject. There
is
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are
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 not only
enhence
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enhance
enhanced
health
 issues but
also
 creativities as well.
Excersise
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Exercise
 is
a
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the
show examples
 main key to
prevent
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preventing
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the
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apply
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harmful diseases.
Secondly
, some
people
 said that prevention is much cheaper than
resolve
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resolution
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.
Sedentary
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A sedentary
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
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lifestyle
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 can lead to many
sickness
Change to a plural noun
sicknesses
show examples
. If
people
 do more outdoor
activities
 the blood circulation
system
 work as a
preventor
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prevention
 for soft
tissue
Add a hyphen
tissue-damaging
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damaging
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damage
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 in our body. In conclusion,
refering
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referring
 to
reasons
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the reasons
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 above
the
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apply
show examples
physical
activities
 can reduce
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 chance of
ailment
Correct article usage
an ailment
show examples
. Adding more physical
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
 in the academic
instutitions
Correct your spelling
institutions
 increase
a
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the
show examples
number
 of
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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 in the future. The
less
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fewer
show examples
number
 of
sickness
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sick
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people
 the less strain on the
health
 care
system
. The
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 can retain the taxes which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
use
Change the form of the verb
used
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 to spend on the
system
.
Submitted by sarawanee.ph on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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