IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A person's worth nowadays seems to judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned value, such as honour, kindness, and trust no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#person #status #possessions #value #honour #kindness #trust
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Money and other material assets are often seen as indicators of success and worthiness. Some might go as far as saying that money and social position are the only things that matter in life. I personally have to disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I will try to elaborate my point of view in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Undoubtedly, money and social status are two things that build our
first
Linking Words
 impression
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
person
Use synonyms
. It is something that we can easily check by looking at the social page of any
person
Use synonyms
, as
such
Linking Words
 platforms are only good for showing material things. Some people
also
Linking Words
 tend to believe that the lack of
such
Linking Words
 possessions might be an indicator of an unsuccessful
person
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 they avoid any communication with these unworthy people.
Conversely
Linking Words
, when time passes and we get to know somebody in
person
Use synonyms
, we start understanding the "true" values that
person
Use synonyms
 believes in, the ones that are hard to show on social media or in a
work related
Add a hyphen
work-related
show examples
 environment. It is not about chivalry, but rather about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trustworthiness, empathy and honesty. They are as important as other more material and professional qualities, which is proved by HR managers as they have increasingly been paying more attention
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
soft
Correct article usage
the soft
show examples
 skills of the candidates.
In addition
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 characteristics are essential if you want to have
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 lasting relationship with a
person
Use synonyms
, whether business-like, friendly or romantic
ones
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. To sum it up, social status and physical possessions are becoming increasingly more important in our “screening” of people; meanwhile most of the time it is only important for the
first
Linking Words
 impression, rather than for the long-term relationships, as you cannot put a price tag on human interaction which is based on our soft skills. In turn, it might prove that
such
Linking Words
 old-fashioned values are becoming even more important than they used to be.
Submitted by zugerry on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: