Nowadays because of digital technology it is possible for not only studios but also individuals to produce their own films. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Owing to the development of technology,nowadays,even studios or even ordinary folks are capable
to produce
Change preposition
of producing
show examples
their own movies,which in my point of view,would have various positive footprints on the globe to triumph the associated side effects.
However
,different sides are uttered here. One of the most highlighted benefits of
this
improvement has to do with the enhanced opportunity for flourishing in both: bestowing unprecedented prospects to the followers and
similarly
introducing new approaches for making films
due to
the unlimited contributions of attracted humans,who used to be deprived of
such
participation.To enlighten,a novel smoothing treatment
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
invites children to get rid of the materialism that their parents usually suffer from in order to experience a more relaxing life.
Furthermore
,it not only can enhance the rate of composing but absorb
also
more fans to
this
arena
while
it would be more affordable than previous ways of making movies.As a vivid case, with the assistance of technology,lower expenditures are required for recruiting experts to cope with divergent possible drawbacks,
hence
,the ultimate price of products would decrease drastically.
On the other hand
,the power of penetration that media has today would vanish if unsuitable sequences spread around the globe.
Therefore
,the responsibility of these programmes for either entertaining or pedagogical purposes would be forgotten,as,individuals would be reluctant toward these broadcasts if they are not acceptable.
Moreover
,the occasion even can be worse
while
the infrastructure of misleading for abusing is provided for offenders.Namely,dispreading wrong information about the security of credit
cards
Change the noun form
card
show examples
passwords for stealing folks' wealth may occur.
To conclude
,
whereas
some dire consequences,
such
as scattering misleading data, can appear in
this
sector,
nevertheless
,to me,its affirmative aspects conquer
while
its problems can be eradicated by
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
impressive
supervising
Replace the word
supervision
show examples
via authorities to guarantee the required standards.
Submitted by drpnima on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay contains several relevant points, but the ideas lack clarity and cohesiveness. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and relates back to the overall topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic but lacks depth and sufficient development of ideas. Provide more specific examples and ensure that each point directly relates to the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: