IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#position #women #societies #years #gender #equality
Nowadays, gender bias is a well-discussed subject.
In addition
, the
females'
Change noun form
females
show examples
 situation has adjusted a fair amount in many countries over the past 50 years.
However
, it seems societies cannot accept these equal opportunities yet.
Although
women
's role has converted compared to the past, there are still many lacks and shortages. In many societies,
such
 as the Iranian community, people and authorities cannot coop with equality. Most citizens have illogical prejudice, so, in these societies,
females
 have limited choices in different fields of
activities
 ranging from occupations to entertainment. An example can be seen in
women
's participation in social
activities
, and they cannot go to the stadium to watch football matches. It is forbidden if they went there, they would be imprisoned as a punishment.
Consequently
,
women
 should wear limited clothes and have a hijab.
Moreover
,
females
 can't choose their wearing, which is an unfair law that leads to restriction for
women
 to employ and hire in many different occupations and force them to prevent physical
activities
 that they desire to do. So, in many areas still, gender equality has no means.
However
, it is advisable to pay attention to some superb
females
 condition that has been switched. In the previous decades, they could not have social
activities
 or careers. They used to take care of children or cooking. But, these days, they have equal job opportunities. Great jobs range from driving trucks to managing big companies. All in all, countries are really far from complete gender biases. In conclusion, the improvement of equal opportunities cannot be ignored, but there is a long way to achieve
this
 goal ultimately.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: