In the future, there will be higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries. Is it positive or negative development?

#future #proportion #people #countries #development

Thanks to the state of the art technology in medicines,

anti-ageing

Correct word choice

and anti-ageing

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therapies, people are being expected to have a longer life expectancy, giving a rise to

ageing

Add an article

the ageing

an ageing

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population in certain nations as well. From my own perspective, I utterly believe

this

phenomenon is undesirable. The

first

and foremost worry is the adverse impact of the decreasing proportion of competent labour force. As many senior citizens have reached retirement age while fewer young workers are pumped into the labour market, construction, and manufacturing might cause a shortage of workers for physically demanding tasks.

Furthermore

, not only physical tasks but

also

mental elderly can perform less effective than youngsters. In detail, elder staff has a tendency to make their decisions and judgments upon their long-accumulated experience, which can be conservative and lack innovation as well. With inventions of cutting-edge technology, the economy can be boosted stably and greatly,

Change the punctuation

apply

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otherwise

Add a comma

,otherwise

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those nations can lag behind others. The more serious worry is the financial burden prompted by the growing cost of social welfare but less fortune is created. The higher rate of elder people, the greater cost of pension the government has to pay for them, which pays tax on the younger labour force.

Consequently

, younger workers have to work more hours to make more value which can lead to

Correct article usage

a diminishing

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diminishing

Wrong verb form

diminish

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in their performance and quality of products.

Besides

that, the investment of the government in the healthcare system and social welfare will make the younger generation face the pressure of working harder to feed thousands of useless people. To conclude, not only do donations that have an ageing population experience many downsides, but

also

they can lag behind the younger

population’s

Change noun form

population

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ones.

Submitted by hoangnguyenquocbao on Mon Apr 18 2022

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

279 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In the future, there will be higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries. Is it positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

People believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Newspapers have an enormous influence on people’s opinions and ideas. Do you think it is a positive or negative situation?

Overpopulaiton in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. what are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

Some people say that the only reason for learning a new foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.