In the future, there will be higher proportion of older people than young people in many countries. Is it positive or negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Thanks to the state of the art technology in medicines,
anti-ageing
Correct word choice
and anti-ageing
show examples
therapies, people are being expected to have a longer life expectancy, giving a rise to
ageing
Add an article
the ageing
an ageing
show examples
population in certain nations as well. From my own perspective, I utterly believe
this
Linking Words
phenomenon is undesirable. The
first
Linking Words
and foremost worry is the adverse impact of the decreasing proportion of competent labour force. As many senior citizens have reached retirement age while fewer young workers are pumped into the labour market, construction, and manufacturing might cause a shortage of workers for physically demanding tasks.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, not only physical tasks but
also
Linking Words
mental elderly can perform less effective than youngsters. In detail, elder staff has a tendency to make their decisions and judgments upon their long-accumulated experience, which can be conservative and lack innovation as well. With inventions of cutting-edge technology, the economy can be boosted stably and greatly,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
those nations can lag behind others. The more serious worry is the financial burden prompted by the growing cost of social welfare but less fortune is created. The higher rate of elder people, the greater cost of pension the government has to pay for them, which pays tax on the younger labour force.
Consequently
Linking Words
, younger workers have to work more hours to make more value which can lead to
Correct article usage
a diminishing
show examples
diminishing
Wrong verb form
diminish
show examples
in their performance and quality of products.
Besides
Linking Words
that, the investment of the government in the healthcare system and social welfare will make the younger generation face the pressure of working harder to feed thousands of useless people. To conclude, not only do donations that have an ageing population experience many downsides, but
also
Linking Words
they can lag behind the younger
population’s
Change noun form
population
show examples
ones.
Submitted by hoangnguyenquocbao on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: