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Band 4

Nowadays many people travel to foreign countries for pleasure. Some believe this travel has a negative impact on the countries travelled to. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #travel #countries #pleasure #believe #impact
These days, a large
number
 of
people
travel
 abroad for their own pleasure,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 some
people
 hold
view
Add an article
the view
show examples
 that journey to foreign
countries
 has negative effects on
countries
 in which
people
travel
.
Nevertheless
, I disagree, because in my personal view tourism has more positive sides than drawbacks. It is fact that the
number
 of travelling
people
 has risen,
moreover
 with the flow of
tourists
 there will be
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 benefits for some
countries
.
This
 is because
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 numerous
number
 of
tourists
 who
travel
 for pleasure will spend
amount
Add an article
the amount
an amount
show examples
 of money to have
engaging
Add an article
an engaging
show examples
 experience.
For instance
,
countries
such
Turkey
Change preposition
as Turkey
show examples
, United Arab Emirates have improved their economy thanks
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a wide range of
tourists
 who
visit
 these
countries
 every year in order to see or
visit
eye-catching
Correct article usage
the eye-catching
show examples
 attractions of each country. One other thing is rising
number
 of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 can lead to cultural exchange between certain nations.
Travelers
Change the spelling
Travellers
show examples
 become interested in
cultural
Correct article usage
the cultural
show examples
 features of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 that they
visit
, and
encouraged
Add a missing verb
are encouraged
show examples
 to learn more about local culture, language and traditions. Thereby,
tourists
 can expand their range of knowledge and
also
 attract local residents to their culture too.
Thus
, cultural exchange will take place between
tourists
 and
people
 in
country
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
 where they
travel
 to. To conclude,
travel
 of
people
 to foreign
countries
 has all-pervasive positive sides to
countries
 that they
visit
. Taking into account all mentioned, I would say that there will be a lot of
countries
 with good
economy
Fix the agreement mistake
economies
show examples
 and extended
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
 of knowledge of inhabitants in the future.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural exchanges
  • Global connections
  • Tourism boosts
  • Local economy
  • Over-tourism
  • Environmental degradation
  • Landmarks
  • Commodification of culture
  • Authentic cultural expressions
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Tourism infrastructure
  • Public services
  • Disrespect local customs
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