IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays more and more older people compete with younger people for the same jobs. What can be the reason for this? What would you suggest as a solution

#people #jobs #reason
In recent days, it has been observed that the majority of
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 have to compete with youngsters for similar employment.
This
 essay shall discuss the possible reasons behind
this
 situation
as well as
 provide some proactive measures to solve it. To embark, most of the older
age
 group of
people
 compete with the younger generation for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar
job
positionjob
Correct your spelling
position job
positions
. The leading cause is the increasing unemployment rate in society. To elaborate on
this
, in today's era owing to the increase
Change preposition
in
show examples
population
Add a comma
population,
show examples
people
 cannot find jobs easily.
Also
, most
job
positions
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 experience or skills. On account of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 cutthroat championship in the market both
age
 groups of
people
 are applying for the same
job
 position
for instance
, in developing nations
such
 as India,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment opportunities are lesser vis-a-vis population,
Thus
, the rivalry between experienced workers and juniors has increased.
However
, there are some solutions to overcome
this
 situation.
Firstly
, the government ought to provide new
job
 vacancies for elderly
people
.
This
 means they have to separate
positions
according to
 associated experience and skills. A new set of
positions
 should
make
Wrong verb form
be made
show examples
 for the repair
people
.
Besides
this
, authorities ought to give pension plans to their citizens at an early
age
 around 50.
This
 will lead to a decrease in the burden upon senior employees and they may repair early and may reduce the competition among young and older individuals.
For instance
, in Denmark, the governing bodies announced the early pension scheme for the older
age
 group
people
 which influences from not working until sixty years of life
consequently
, the inexperienced youth easily find employment. In conclusion, notwithstanding rising the rate of
jobless
Replace the word
joblessness
show examples
as well as
 the similar tasks for both categories of
people
 ( freshers or experienced) may
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the competition, providing separate opportunities for older
age
people
 and providing a pension scheme can help to remedy the situation.
Submitted by dipendharmani786 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure is adequately maintained, but there is a need to improve introduction and conclusion. The main points are somewhat supported but need more development.
task achievement
The response addresses the task to some extent, but it lacks clear comprehensive ideas and relevant specific examples. More focus is needed to provide a complete response.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: