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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries , women are allowed to take maternity leave during the first month after the birth of new born. do you think the advantages of maternity leave outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #women #maternity #first #month #birth
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The stress of balancing work and family demands is particularly acute for
mothers
Use synonyms
 of infants. To be sure, a month-long leave does allow birth
mothers
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 to recover from the physical demands of labour. I subscribe to the notion that it is essentially indispensable for
newly
Replace the word
new
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mothers
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 to take
a
Remove the article
apply
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maternity
Use synonyms
 leave in the wake of their delivery. The availability of one-month leave ensures women
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are accountable for their child-bearing role. Experts have long proved that breastfeeding has health benefits for both babies and moms, and a newborn has a vital psychological need for
mother’s
Correct article usage
a mother’s
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 attention. The attachment that forms between them is really critical, and it’s based on
mom’s
Correct article usage
the mom’s
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abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
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 to respond when the baby is upset If deprived of the
maternity
Use synonyms
 leave, it is conceivable that not only their babies cannot be taken care of, but
also
Linking Words
 it weakens their family bonds.
In addition
Linking Words
, newly
mothers
Use synonyms
 are
therefore
Linking Words
 more likely to recover after production.
Mothers
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 are more likely to take a good rest and fully recover from the hardship of pregnancy and production. It is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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common sense that the birth of a baby indicates the conscientious childcare from his/her mother, which leads to arduous and energy-consuming efforts. Undoubted, there is no garden without weeds. There are some concerns
for
Change preposition
about
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 women to take
maternity
Use synonyms
 leave. Notwithstanding the
maternity
Use synonyms
 leave is not long, it is still likely to result in some issues
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their companies and organizations. Worse yet, some
of
Change preposition
apply
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female
Add an article
the female
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 employees face the risk of losing their jobs during an economic downturn. To sum up, the drawbacks pale
into
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apply
show examples
insignificance
by comparison
Linking Words
 with the merits of
maternity
Use synonyms
 leave. In
this
Linking Words
 case, allowing female employees to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paid leave is humane.
Submitted by onkly on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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