IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries , women are allowed to take maternity leave during the first month after the birth of new born. do you think the advantages of maternity leave outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #women #maternity #first #month #birth
The stress of balancing work and family demands is particularly acute for
mothers
 of infants. To be sure, a month-long leave does allow birth
mothers
 to recover from the physical demands of labour. I subscribe to the notion that it is essentially indispensable for
newly
Replace the word
new
show examples
mothers
 to take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
maternity
 leave in the wake of their delivery. The availability of one-month leave ensures women
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are accountable for their child-bearing role. Experts have long proved that breastfeeding has health benefits for both babies and moms, and a newborn has a vital psychological need for
mother’s
Correct article usage
a mother’s
show examples
 attention. The attachment that forms between them is really critical, and it’s based on
mom’s
Correct article usage
the mom’s
show examples
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
show examples
 to respond when the baby is upset If deprived of the
maternity
 leave, it is conceivable that not only their babies cannot be taken care of, but
also
 it weakens their family bonds.
In addition
, newly
mothers
 are
therefore
 more likely to recover after production.
Mothers
 are more likely to take a good rest and fully recover from the hardship of pregnancy and production. It is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
common sense that the birth of a baby indicates the conscientious childcare from his/her mother, which leads to arduous and energy-consuming efforts. Undoubted, there is no garden without weeds. There are some concerns
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 women to take
maternity
 leave. Notwithstanding the
maternity
 leave is not long, it is still likely to result in some issues
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their companies and organizations. Worse yet, some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
female
Add an article
the female
show examples
 employees face the risk of losing their jobs during an economic downturn. To sum up, the drawbacks pale
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
insignificance
by comparison
 with the merits of
maternity
 leave. In
this
 case, allowing female employees to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paid leave is humane.
Submitted by onkly on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: