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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

As a part of their education, many students work at a company for a short period of time without a salary. Are there more advantages than disadvantages to this?

#part #education #students #work #company #period #time #salary
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Some
students
 are asked to
work
 at the place they do their internship without paying because
this
 is part of the academic education plan.
Although
students
 face
difficult
Correct article usage
a difficult
show examples
time
 working for a period of
time
withou
Correct your spelling
without
 earning money, I believe there are more advantages because
this
 is an outstanding opportunity of getting
experience
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the field they are going to get a
licensed
Replace the word
license
show examples
. Facing the world without getting money is a difficult
time
 to deal
for
Change preposition
with for
show examples
 many pupils when they are completing their educational programs. Every day has many expenses to cover and bills to pay to understand to accept
work
 without earning a salary. More importantly, many young adults have a debt that needs to be
payevery
Correct your spelling
pay every
 month and
this
 increases
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 stress
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life. To explain
further
, in The United States,
students
 can attend University education by getting into an
inmmense
Correct your spelling
immense
 debt;
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
this
 gave them the opportunity to obtain
an
Change the article
a
show examples
third
 education.
As a result
, more
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 eighty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the young population is in debt.
Neverthenless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, I believe is worthy to
work
 at a company for a brief period of
time
 without
obtain
Change the verb form
obtaining
show examples
 a salary to accumulate
experience
. Nowadays, if you want to be hired, you must
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
prove you have your license and have
experience
 as well when you are applying for a job. Keeping
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 at the place you gave your internship is an awesome way to prove
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
 you have enough
experience
 when you apply
fo
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 the company. On top of
this
, you will not be considered
as
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
untrained
Add an article
an untrained
show examples
 person because most of the staff will recognize you as part of the team. To support my idea, when I stay at the hospital in Anaheim without getting
pay
Wrong verb form
paid
show examples
, I
acquiered
Correct your spelling
acquired
 a great
experience
inthe
Correct your spelling
in the
 ER department.
Hence
, I accumulate great skills
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many procedures that by the
time
 I apply for
this
 position, it was
Correct your spelling
easier
show examples
easer
Correct your spelling
easier
show examples
 to get the job. I strongly
belief
Replace the word
believe
show examples
 that college
students
 need to
work
 an extra mile to assure their spot for the job they want to pursue. What is more important, the company is
provinding
Correct your spelling
providing
 the opportunity to practice and
this
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 a suitable position.
Although
 many
students
 do not support
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
work
 without a salary, one must consider that the competency is high and most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the companies
reuqiered
Correct your spelling
require
required
 you to have
experience
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the position you are applying for. For these reasons, the advantages far outnumber the disadvantages.
Submitted by cuevas14dic on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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