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Band 2

online shopping is it a positive or negative development

#development
The information in the pie charts
compare
Change the verb form
compares
show examples
 the
time
distrubution
Correct your spelling
distribution
 during free
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 on online programs
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 youth and elders. Overwhelming, researching and accessing music or films are both popular among young adults and older generations. Social networking is the dominant
time
 usage of younger people, in which
there
Change the word
it
show examples
 is almost
one-forth
Correct your spelling
one-fourth
show examples
 for the whole pie chart. Researching,
accessin
Correct your spelling
accessing
access
assessing
Change preposition
to musics
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musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
 or films and playing games are almost the same, for about 20%, which are the
second
 large sector of free
time
. The remaining activities are making purchases and bookings,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which occupy a small amount of youths’ free
time
.
In contrast
, there are some significant differences between old and younger people.
For instance
, making bookings which is the least popular
programs
Fix the agreement mistake
program
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 of younger generations, but
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 (29%) spent by elders
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 occupied by
this
.
This
 is followed by 26% of
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
 on health data. The
third largest
Add a hyphen
third-largest
show examples
 sector of free
time
using
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use
show examples
 is making purchases and accessing music or films， for 14% and 17% respectively. The minimum of various activities of elders
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 playing games and social networking, which are as low as the
time
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on making bookings of youths.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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