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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Parents of obese children shoul be punished for making them fat. Do you agree or disagree

#parents #children #shoul
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It is argued that
parents
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 of obese
children
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 should be punished for
no
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not
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 providing their
children
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 with a healthy lifestyle, and as a
consequence
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,consequence
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 they will get fat.
This
Linking Words
 essay
disagree
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disagrees
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 with the statement because many
parents
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 will need help and advice on how they support their
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 development and they can
also
Linking Words
 need economic support to have
time
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 to spend with their kids.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many
parents
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 don't have any experience or knowledge on how to provide a healthy
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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life style
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lifestyle
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 to their
children
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,
for
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instance
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,instance
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 a
well balanced
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well-balanced
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 diet and keep them active.
In addition
Linking Words
, a
well balanced
Add a hyphen
well-balanced
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 diet will give
the
Correct pronoun usage
them the
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 necessary nutrients for them
be
Fix the infinitive
to be
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 fit and enjoy good health.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nutritive food will help them with
psicological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 and physical development.
Children
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 being active is essential as they by nature are moving around all the
time
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.
For example
Linking Words
, taking them to the park when they are small for
cicling
Correct your spelling
cycling
circling
, running or playing tennis
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will create a habit, that they will keep later in life. A study found that
children
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 with poor nutrition
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
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 more likely to have diabetes type 2 when they grow up.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they are many mothers and fathers that don't spend enough
time
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 with their
children
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, because they don't earn enough money, and they will be working long hours.
Thus
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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parents
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needs
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need
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 to be
ecconomically
Correct your spelling
economically
 supported.
For example
Linking Words
,
given
Replace the word
giving
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 them vouchers to buy healthy food, helping them to pay some house bills,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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may help them to spend quality
time
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, and feed them in a healthy way.
Also
Linking Words
, they will have
time
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 to pick up their
children
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 at school and take them to the park and enjoy some activities together.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
children
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 not only keeping physically fit and emotionally stable
,
Add the word(s)
but,
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also
Linking Words
,
they will
Add the word(s)
but they will also
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 be able to make a durable bond with their family. A study found that
parents
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 taking their
children
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 to recreative activities, when they grow up is more likely to them enjoy exercising outdoors and be
Correct your spelling
more
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m ore
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more
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 confident. To summarise,
parent
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the parent
a parent
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 should not be punished for making
ther
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their
the
children
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 fat, but I strongly believe if government help them
ecconomically
Correct your spelling
economically
 they will be able to do a lot for their family, and educating
parents
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 is extremely important as many of them
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
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 have the right information.
Submitted by lianenaranjo on

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Your opinion

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