IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is more important to invest in further education rather than to gain work experience after finishing university in order to find a good job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #gain #work #university #job
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Some think investing in
further
education
 after
graduated
Change the form of the verb
graduating
show examples
 from university is the key to
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 a good job, while some claim that getting working
experience
 is more critical to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 a better occupation. Personally speaking, I agree with both ideas as both of them
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 an important role in the workplace.
To begin
 with,
further
education
 increases your professional knowledge which allows you
becoming
Change the verb form
to become
show examples
 more competitive. Nowadays, the amount of
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
 that a youth
studied
Wrong verb form
studies
show examples
Add a missing verb
has increases
show examples
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
.
For instance
, about 77% of managers or bosses have studied a management degree after they graduated from university. The reason why they study
this
Change preposition
for this
show examples
 degree is to prove their ability in managing a large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of workers so that their chance
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 becoming the boss booms. Meanwhile, based on some research, the heads are more willing to give opportunities to those with more degrees as having
further
education
 symbolizes hardworking, and desiring to get improvement or progression, which is better to lead a team to achieve a better result. Yet, does that mean
working
Add an article
the working
show examples
experience
 is useless? It is definitely a 'no'. With more working
experience
 , the higher the employees' ability in handling or
habitating
Correct your spelling
habituating
 the working environment is.
This
 idea is commonly 'planted' among the heads'
thought
Fix the agreement mistake
thoughts
show examples
. Especially in the occupation which requires practical
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
,
such
 as nurses, doctors, or physiotherapists. If a person has more working
experience
 in related fields,
this
 symbolizes that they are more passionate
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
 these occupations and with a higher opportunity to handle hardships.
For example
, nurses with more working
experience
 are more capable of communicating with other medical professionals, while therapists with more
experience
 are more capable
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 communicating with patients. Hardly can students learn these practical skills when they are in school.
Thus
, owning more
experience
 helps
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 a good job. In conclusion, despite
further
education
brings
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
 more professional knowledge, working
experience
 results in a higher capability in occupation. Both can make a higher chance
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 getting a better job and none of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 impacts should be underestimated or ignored.
Submitted by summerlau71302 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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