At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
At the present time, the
population
of some countries includes a relatively large amount of young adults, compared with older Use synonyms
people
. According to me, more Use synonyms
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
from
the situation Change preposition
to
compare
Change the verb form
compares
with
Change preposition
to
disadvantage
. I will explain in the following paragraphs.
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
Large
number of young Change the article
A large
The large
people
give benefit because they are more Use synonyms
expert
in Fix the agreement mistake
experts
technology
. Use synonyms
Young
Correct article usage
The young
Use synonyms
population
Add a verb
ispopulation
waspopulation
more quick
to learn about something new especially new Replace the words
quicker
technology
. Use synonyms
For example
, in the office young employee usually can use Linking Words
microsoft
office better than Change the capitalization
Microsoft
older
employee. Older Add an article
an older
the older
employee
tend to finish the work Fix the agreement mistake
employees
manual
without Change the adjective
manually
computer
. Add an article
a computer
Linking Words
Consequently
the work in the office Add a comma
,Consequently
more fast
to finish due to use Replace the words
faster
technology
help to finish them.
Big amount of Use synonyms
young
Correct article usage
the young
population
Use synonyms
give
Change the verb form
gives
advantage
because they are more energetic. Young adult Add an article
an advantage
more
Add a missing verb
are more
powerfull
and they have Correct your spelling
powerful
big
spirit due to they want to achieve something that Correct article usage
a big
make
Change the verb form
makes
their
Replace the word
they're
they are
satisfy
in their life. Replace the word
satisfied
For instance
, in the organisation young Linking Words
people
want to do anything Use synonyms
Change preposition
to
for
Correct your spelling
forgive
give
Change the verb form
giving
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
to
their organisation. Change preposition
on
Young
Add an article
The young
community
want the institution Fix the agreement mistake
communities
grow
and improve in the future. As Add the particle
to grow
the
result organisation will have dynamic improvement and grow rapidly.
Correct article usage
a
Moreover
, Linking Words
large
amount of young Add an article
a large
the large
people
give Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a disadvantage
disadvantage
because local Wrong verb form
disadvantaged
culture
will disappear. Young Use synonyms
adult
tend to like global Fix the agreement mistake
adults
culture
and forget the local Use synonyms
culture
that Use synonyms
have
to keep. Change the verb form
has
For instance
, young Linking Words
people
in Use synonyms
current
condition more like Korean Add an article
a current
song
and drama. They forget many local Fix the agreement mistake
songs
song
and Fix the agreement mistake
songs
drama
more interesting and Fix the agreement mistake
dramas
it
must Correct pronoun usage
they
be keep
to prevent Change the verb form
be kept
from
extinct. Correct pronoun usage
them from
Linking Words
Consequently
local Add a comma
,Consequently
culture
can disappear due to Use synonyms
limited
Correct article usage
the limited
Use synonyms
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
love
it.
In conclusion, Correct pronoun usage
who love
wide
number of Change the article
a wide
the wide
young
Add an article
the young
community
give advantages because Fix the agreement mistake
communities
they
Add a verb
arethey
werethey
more good
Replace the words
better
in
Change preposition
at
technology
and more energetic Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
with
older Change preposition
to
people
. Despite the disadvantage happen because young Use synonyms
population
tend to love global Use synonyms
culture
Use synonyms
than
local Correct quantifier usage
more than
culture
. It can make local Use synonyms
culture
disappear due to only Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a little
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
Use synonyms
people
interest Change noun form
people's
to
them.Change preposition
in
Submitted by fasikhullisanugerah on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.