IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts illustrate the proportion of some nutrient categories in regular meals in the USA.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat occupies a main part,
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 dinner,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 high rate of
sugar
Use synonyms
 is contained in snacks.
Besides
Linking Words
,
breakfast
Use synonyms
, and
lunch
Use synonyms
 show noticeably less
percentage
Use synonyms
 of these unhealthy substances.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the rate of
sodium
Use synonyms
 and saturated fat
account
Change the verb form
accounts
show examples
 for more than two-fifths and more than a
third
Linking Words
 respectively, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of added
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 main meal is just over a fifth.
In addition
Linking Words
,
sub meals
Add a hyphen
sub-meals
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as snacks contain a considerable
percentage
Use synonyms
 of unhealthy substances
that is
Linking Words
 over two-fifths of added
sugar
Use synonyms
, more than a fifth of saturated fat and more than a minority of
sodium
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
breakfast
Use synonyms
 and
lunch
Use synonyms
 witness a minimal number of unhealthy substances. The pie charts show→ demonstrate/ depict/ illustrate that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Americans consume only 14% of
sodium
Use synonyms
 at
breakfast
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
double
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 substance at
lunch
Use synonyms
.
Besides
Linking Words
, the saturated fat and added
sugar
Use synonyms
 share the same amount at 16% at
breakfast
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 these proportions are 26% and 19% at
lunch
Use synonyms
 respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "besides, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, sodium, sugar, breakfast, lunch with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Nutrients
  • Unhealthy
  • Daily intake
  • Percentage
  • Carbohydrates
  • Fats
  • Proteins
  • Meals
  • Balanced diet
  • Consumption
  • Excess
  • Health implications
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Heart disease
  • Convenience foods
  • Fast foods
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Healthy eating habits
  • Dietary recommendations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: