IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #education #age #years
it is undeniable that
education
 plays a major role in the career prospects of
children
. The age of starting formal
education
 is a debatable issue.
Although
 some claim that it would be better for
children
 to start their
education
 at under 7-years old, others ,including myself, are against it.
This
 essay will discuss both views and present my perspective. on the one hand, starting
education
 at early-aged
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it possible for
children
 to lose their interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
education
.
in other words
, academy studies
appears
Change the verb form
appear
show examples
 to be far more complicated than their understanding and perception.
furthermore
, it has been proven that during childhood milestones, playing games, especially
targetful
Correct your spelling
target
 ones should be the
first
 priority for
children
 since it allows them to be more creative and imaginative like doing puzzles.
Hence
, it seems logical to study based on the typical
education
 system.
on the other hand
, others assert that due to the occurrence of the brain development during childhood, the younger
children
 are, the more significant learning capability they have. it means that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
children
 need far less time to grasp a particular subject, in comparison with the elderly.
in addition
, beginning formal
education
 under 7 years old age is more likely to provide them with the opportunity to enter
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the universities sooner. in conclusion,
although
 both views have their own set
off
Replace the word
of
show examples
 merits, in my opinion, it would be more beneficial for
children
 to enjoy their childhood
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 playing purposeful games
instead
 of learning sophisticated subjects.
Submitted by hesam.ahmadian012 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: