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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Youth nowadays spend a lot of money. what are the causes for this? Is it a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, with an increase in an overall income for most
of
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apply
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the
individuals
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 especially youth, most
of
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apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
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 prefer to spend
money
Use synonyms
 extravagantly rather than saving it.
This
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 essay addresses the possible causes for the problem
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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 suggests whether it is a positive or negative development.
Firstly
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, the main reason
people
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 spend more
money
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 is because of the lack of awareness. Generally,
people
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 are not aware of the long-term
benefits
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 and most of them are myopic
favoring
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favouring
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current
Correct article usage
the current
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 lavish lifestyle
as
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apply
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against a better
future
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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,
people
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 are unfamiliar
about
Change preposition
with
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 the potential merits of investments, and
corresponding
Correct article usage
the corresponding
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benefits
Use synonyms
 of long-term investments
of
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in
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 their funds.
Furthermore
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,
people
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 have no idea about the magic of "compounding interest" a mathematical formula that allows their
money
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 to grow exponentially in the
future
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, rather than having zero
money
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 increment while spending
money
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 lavishly.
For example
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, in the United States,
average
Add an article
the average
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 investment per person is far less
as
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apply
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compared to India,
hence
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, there exists various retirement funds and plans where Americans have to spend more
money
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 to buy by paying huge premiums ,
however
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 in India where
people
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 often save
money
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 from day one of earning,
thus
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 having enough
money
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 for their retirement.
In addition
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,
people
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 often don’t have
money
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 to pay for any emergency medical situation which may arise in the
future
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. Considering all the possible issues, it has many negative effects on the
individuals
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 because they don’t often have enough financial investment planning which prevents them from understanding
a
Correct article usage
the
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 bigger picture of their life financially.
Secondly
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,
people
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 generally tend to spend more
money
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 because of various psychological reasons.
To begin
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 with,
individuals
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 prefer a more lavish lifestyle nowadays as compared to being frugal, eventually compromising on their comfort. Due to urbanization, with an increase in the overall income for most of the
individuals
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 in the cities,
people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more often grow up with the mentality of spending more
money
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 by
favoring
Change the spelling
favouring
show examples
 their comfort.
For example
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, an average individual in the city
Mumbai
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of Mumbai
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 which
the
Add a missing verb
is the
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 financial capital of India often spends most of the income
of
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on
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 restaurants, hotels, and bars to enjoy the city life, while only 3% of
people
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 invest
money
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for
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in
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 the
future
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.
This
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 not only affects their
future
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 goals
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 does not provide a viable solution for
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
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 nation's economy. Since the nation’s financial economy is decided based on how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 financial invested assets the country holds. To conclude, spending
money
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 often
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 short term
benefits
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,
however
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, investing
money
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 provides a better long term benefit for the
individuals
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 which
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
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 the
benefits
Use synonyms
 of instant spending by a huge margin.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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