IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The government should allocate more fund to the educational sector than health sector. At what extent do you agree or disagree.

#government #fund #sector #health
The funding of both sectors is necessary
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 terms of development, but in
this
 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
show examples
 I will discuss the debate of the adequate funding
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the educational sector than
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
health
 sector The educational
district
 provides the necessary power of the knowledge one should have in order for a countries development
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
then
 comes the issue of the
energy
district
 which plays a major role in the
energy
 of a country, both the
district
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 an important role in development but to some
extent
Add a comma
,extent
show examples
 the
health
 sector needs more funding due to the increasing prices and modern
health
 issues,
energy
 has always been a priority to all of the human race, and due to
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
biowar
Correct your spelling
Bioware
 like situation one should consider the
energy
 to be the most important when it comes to the question of
ones
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 surviving the govt should rather focus on developing the
energy
district
 to improve the living and the betterment of the
health
 of the people , A legend once said "
energy
 is Wealth" , which properly defines the exact term of
energy
 being more important than anything , Education nowadays has become available very easily and everywhere , one does not need to attend schools in order to become successful in life, due to Internet the information has been on the fingertips of the people and widely available, which gives the well-being
zone
 more weightage than the educational
district
 to be considered more important to be funded The final words for
this
 essay of mine would be that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 support both
Change to a plural noun
zones
show examples
zone
 as they are necessary but in terms of ,
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 I disagree with allocating more funds to the educational
zone
 than to the well-being
zone
.
Submitted by adityaspiti on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: