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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing…. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #decreasing… #measures
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Nowadays, the population of many countries is becoming fatter and their
health
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 quality and fitness are declining.
This
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 essay will
first
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 suggest that the biggest
problems
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 are caused by cheap fast
food
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 and a sedentary lifestyle, and
then
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 argue that increasing the
price
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 of junk
food
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 and opening more gym
centers
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centres
show examples
 even in the workplace are the most viable solutions. The foremost
problems
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 causing obesity and
health
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problems
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 are that fast
food
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 is sold at a very low
price
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 and many
people
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work
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 behind a computer 8 hours a day. As long as we can find junk
food
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 on every corner and their costs are low compared to foods, which are healthier, everybody would eat them.
Furthermore
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, there are a vast majority of employees who
work
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 in offices and seat behind their desks for over 8 hours a day,
therefore
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 they don't move much. There was a study in which it was showed that
people
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, who
work
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 from their laptops, are 40% more at risk for obesity. Possible solutions to these
problems
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 could be to raise the
price
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 of unhealthy
food
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 and open
health
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 clubs even in the offices. If states put pressure on fast
food
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 sellers to increase their costs,
then
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 a large number of
people
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 wouldn't buy it and they will prefer to cook at home.
In addition
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, offices should open gym
centers
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centres
show examples
 for their employees in order to support them to do sport every day. Google Company is one of the most famous in the world with lots of
work
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 done from behind the desks, but their members are among the healthier, as reported by BBC, because they have over 10 gym
centers
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centres
show examples
 in their plant, and their employees can use them every time they want. To conclude, the percentage of fat
people
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 is increasing dramatically and something should be done. There are some reasons that lead to
this
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 situation,
such
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 as fast foods, which are easy to find and cheap, and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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 lifestyle, which nowadays it seems everybody has. By putting a higher
price
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 on junk foods and opening more
health
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 clubs, we can solve a number of these
problems
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.
Submitted by siavooshrazavi on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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