IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing…. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

#countries #weight #people #levels #health #fitness #decreasing… #measures
Nowadays, the population of many countries is becoming fatter and their
health
 quality and fitness are declining.
This
 essay will
first
 suggest that the biggest
problems
 are caused by cheap fast
food
 and a sedentary lifestyle, and
then
 argue that increasing the
price
 of junk
food
 and opening more gym
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 even in the workplace are the most viable solutions. The foremost
problems
 causing obesity and
health
problems
 are that fast
food
 is sold at a very low
price
 and many
people
work
 behind a computer 8 hours a day. As long as we can find junk
food
 on every corner and their costs are low compared to foods, which are healthier, everybody would eat them.
Furthermore
, there are a vast majority of employees who
work
 in offices and seat behind their desks for over 8 hours a day,
therefore
 they don't move much. There was a study in which it was showed that
people
, who
work
 from their laptops, are 40% more at risk for obesity. Possible solutions to these
problems
 could be to raise the
price
 of unhealthy
food
 and open
health
 clubs even in the offices. If states put pressure on fast
food
 sellers to increase their costs,
then
 a large number of
people
 wouldn't buy it and they will prefer to cook at home.
In addition
, offices should open gym
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 for their employees in order to support them to do sport every day. Google Company is one of the most famous in the world with lots of
work
 done from behind the desks, but their members are among the healthier, as reported by BBC, because they have over 10 gym
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 in their plant, and their employees can use them every time they want. To conclude, the percentage of fat
people
 is increasing dramatically and something should be done. There are some reasons that lead to
this
 situation,
such
 as fast foods, which are easy to find and cheap, and
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
show examples
 lifestyle, which nowadays it seems everybody has. By putting a higher
price
 on junk foods and opening more
health
 clubs, we can solve a number of these
problems
.
Submitted by siavooshrazavi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: