IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some managers encourage their staff to work better by giving them more money. To what extent do you think this policy can be effective? Can you recommend any other methods to achieve this goal?

#managers #staff #work #money #policy #methods
having been
desire
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a desire
the desire
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 for managers, have done better tasks by workers which
hilighted
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highlighted
 the importance of the role of staff members in the
work place
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workplace
show examples
. some factors have
prominent
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a prominent
show examples
 role in
in
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apply
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order to have done
works
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work
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on
Change preposition
in
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 a desirable manner. in
this
matter
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,matter
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 someones believe that the challenges of working would be
inhanced
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enhanced
 by allocating more budget to the staff members.
i
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I
show examples
 believe that giving
fund
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funds
show examples
 to
somone
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someone
 who
just
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is just
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seek
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seeking
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 money can
leads
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lead
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 to
discouraging
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discouragement
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. by using critical points in
this
 essay, leaders will be expected to be
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a success
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success
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successful
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 in
his
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apply
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/ her occupation. it's
common
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a common
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Add the particle
to believe
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believe
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belief
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 that earning money is highly sweat for everyone to the extent that nearly all efforts having done to make more and more. by the way,
although
,
grasp
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grasping
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 more income lifts the spirits of job seekers, it may not be the strongest way to serve the purpose in the self-
empleyed
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employed
 company
for example
. it has
seen
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been seen
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 that workers as so as
recieving
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receiving
 money, a sense of "earn what they have desired" leads to less willingness in the defined tasks. but a remarkable question is that to what extent the
enterprenuer
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entrepreneur
entrepreneurs
 should give reward to the workers? it seems it would be better
that
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than
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 according to the personality and
work place
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workplace
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 atmosphere rewards should be taken in
notice
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the notice
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. when it comes to
being prosper
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prospering
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 in
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a self-
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self- company
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self-company
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, the importance of
powerful
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a powerful
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 manager is remarkable. it means
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to make
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make
Wrong verb form
making
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 a proper relationship with each member is critically unavoidable. knowing about personality,
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feelings
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fellings
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feelings
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 and attitude of ones is essentially not only in the workplace
,
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apply
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 but
also
 in the all parts of our lives which brings unbelievable results provided that these
aquired
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acquired
 information
fron
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from
 people be correct. the fact is that famous leaders and decent managers are in common
at
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apply
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the point of appropriate contact with
persons
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people
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.
i
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I
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 hold the view that to reach a desirable outcome in work created, it would be better
that
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than
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 unforget the miracle of good communication. so,
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the manager
a manager
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manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
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 should have faced a problem in their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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, a logical relation may be helpful.
at
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in
show examples
 the end,
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
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 the people without proper communication would be bound to fail.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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