IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that sugary products tend to inflict various health problems, therefore it is urgently needed to rise the prices of those commercial products to abate the people's consumption on it.

Some
people
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 believe that sugary
products
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 tend to inflict various health problems,
therefore
Linking Words
 it is urgently needed to raise the
prices
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 of those commercial
products
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 to abate the
people
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's
consumption
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 of them.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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 argument and will discuss it in
this
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 essay. Increasing any particular
prices
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 of goods will not be efficient to push the
people
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 to not buy those stuff.
For example
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, the Indonesian government has stipulated a straight regulation to reduce tobacco
consumption
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 by making cigarette
prices
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 higher. In fact, the level of tobacco
consumption
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 in
society
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 remains high amidst the higher cigarette price set by the government.
This
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 phenomenon is evident that increasing
prices
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 on specific
products
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 will not affect the level of
consumption
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 within
society
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.
Instead
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 of rising the
prices
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 of sugary
products
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, there should be more education on the side effects of consuming sugary
products
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 in
society
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.
This
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 kind of approach is likely to be more effective for a long-term period.
For instance
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, the enhancement of climate education in Europe
,
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apply
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affects the rise of awareness from the
people
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 there to be more concerned about preserving their environment by living a more green lifestyle daily.
This
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 phenomenon is truly evident that an education-based approach is more worked for
people
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 in
society
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 to revamp their behaviour. Ultimately, as stated above, increasing
prices
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 on any particular product to change the behaviour of
people
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 will not be effectively worked. As suggested, there should be a more education-based approach to raise the awareness of the
people
Use synonyms
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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