IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as math and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree?

#people #children #subjects #math #philosophy
Students are given no choice in choosing the subjects they like during their academic years.Few people believe that since kids
finds
Change the verb form
find
show examples
 courses like maths hard
then
 they should not be mandatory. The following essay will throw light on these views. To commence with, subjects which
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 are taught in the school are the basics that might be needed in the life of the child in the future.
For example
,mathematics is one
such
 subject which is needed in science as well.If the students
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 know the general rule of maths they would not be able to do numerical problems of chemistry and
phyisics
Correct your spelling
physics
.
Furthermore
, extra academics
also
 help children to learn something other
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 their interests and
thus
ending
Wrong verb form
end
show examples
 in gaining more knowledge.For an instance, if they learn
art
Add an article
the art
show examples
 and drawing
then
 they can save much time in learning diagrams needed in Biology.
On the other hand
, when kids
donot
Correct your spelling
do not
don't
 have interest in specific subject they will not give best their academic performance ultimately there is a decrement in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
 overall percentage.They are
then
 punished by their parents for not doing good.These circumstances make them lose their confidence and they feel depressed and pressurized.When they are not able to fulfil the expectations of their guardians they try to commit suicide. In a nutshell, after analysing both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
 I believe that children should be given
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 option of choosing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subjects of their own liking.
This
 will help them develop their learning and educational skills.
Submitted by simranminhas915 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: