IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#life #technology
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Based on some alleges,the improvement of technology has altered folks' experiences of life for the worse,
while
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 in my point of view,its associated advantages
overal
Correct your spelling
overall
 triumph
its
Change preposition
over its
show examples
 dire consequences.
However
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,both sides are uttered here. One of the most highlighted shifts has to do with the comfortability that technological developments have bestowed on mankind.To illustrate,not only are the majority of humans' routines tackled by their smartphones but in various occupational realms
also
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 some revolutionary transformations are seen.
For instance
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,nowadays,lift trucks are utilized for picking heavy commodities
instead
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workers
Correct word choice
of workers
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.
Furthermore
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,the
life span
Correct your spelling
lifespan
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 of folks has swelled sharply.To enlighten,in the
epidemy
Correct your spelling
epidemic
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 of
Covid19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
 that has dominated the globe,mankind may encounter extinction if neither the infrastructures for preparing vaccines nor express transportation systems for dispreading them were ready.
On the other hand
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,
whereas
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 today people are overwhelmed with divergent issues,
such
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 as either different costs for newly emerged pieces of equipment or the existence of aliens,they used to
were
Wrong verb form
be
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 unaware of these subjects owing to the lack of vast connection among various nations.As a vivid case,newspapers and
similarly
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 internet are blamed for
this
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 incident.
Moreover
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,obesity has
terminated
Verb problem
turned
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 into
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a controversial issue,as multitudes of populations are suffering from that these days.To explain, the sedentary lifestyle that has popped up in the universe is based on the development of technology,
while
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 formerly,
body demanding
Add a hyphen
body-demanding
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 vocations did not let workers become fat.
To conclude
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,
whereas
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 some individuals have mentioned technology as the main radix behind complex life,to me its positive footprints surpass in numerous aspects,like assisting employees with their responsibilities.
some
Capitalize word
Some
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 negative aspects,namely obesity,can be resolved if juveniles exercise frequently.
Submitted by drpnima on

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Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt but lacks depth in analyzing the extent of agreement or disagreement. Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat clear; however, there are areas where the connection between ideas could be improved. Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs for better cohesion.
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