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some people believe that construction of new public buildings such as museums, town halls and sporting facilities is more important than renovation of the existing ones, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #construction #buildings #museums #town #halls #facilities #renovation #ones
Nowadays, public places are discussed by some individuals, some argue that old public
buildings
 should be repaired, whilst others are completely
opposite
Replace the word
opposed
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 thought and support
to instruct
Change the verb form
instructing
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 new modern ones.
This
 essay will discuss both sides and give my own perspective.
To begin
 with, there are lots of old
buildings
 around the world is located. They are some called historical
buildings
. These are our heritage and they must be protected and should remain forever. The
world museum
Correct your spelling
World Museum
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 in Liverpool,
for instance
 , has been built for years and it is a historical building
that is
 one of the symbols of Liverpool
city
Capitalize word
City
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.
Therefore
 it has just been renovated inside the structure without any damage
as well as
 looks modern.
As a consequence
, we all have remained a building which is a symbol of our heritage, those should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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stand for a long time.
On the other hand
, some inactive public property should
remove
Wrong verb form
be removed
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 from the land where they are located.
This
 means,
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 construction is empty and useless, they might break down and rebuild a new modern building which would be more useful for neighbours.
Furthermore
, old constructions have a detrimental effect on the environment with a huge carbon footprint.
Such
 places should not exist in our beautiful world.
To sum up
,
although
 we must protect the huge old historical structures, the majority of old
buildings
 must be removed and rebuilt with new environmentally friendly ones. In my perspective , I completely agree with the idea of modernization which can
be killed
Wrong verb form
kill
show examples
 two birds with one stone.
Submitted by cmnr3134 on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas coherently and connecting them logically.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main points of the essay.
task achievement
Provide a more comprehensive and clear response to all aspects of the essay question.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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