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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The Bar Chart illustrates the percentage of
computer
Use synonyms
ownership
Use synonyms
 by population and by the level of education between the years 2002 and 2010. The
ownership
Use synonyms
 by the population recorded a noticeable growth since 2002. From 58% in 2002 to almost 80% in 2010.
This
Linking Words
 increment steadily continues over the years. Which showed how important technology impacted daily life. From 2004 to 2008 the
ownership
Use synonyms
 shot up from about 60% to around 70%,
likewise
Linking Words
 in 2010 make the total increased by about 20% since the survey started in 2002.
Computer
Use synonyms
Ownership
Use synonyms
 by the level of education was divided into 5 categories. The highest percentage, which had significant
ownership
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
 was a Postgraduate qualification, showed almost 80% in 2008, and 95% in 2010, followed by
Bachelor
Change noun form
Bachelor's
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 degree and college students that contribute
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
85% and 90% in 2010, a bit lower in 2008 for about 50% for college student and 70% by Bachelor degree.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
last
Linking Words
 2 lowest
ownership
Use synonyms
 was High
school
Use synonyms
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 and No high
school
Use synonyms
 diploma which contributed from 15% and 35% in 2008 and became doubled growth in 2010 to 43% for No high
school
Use synonyms
, and 65% for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
school
Use synonyms
 graduate. In General, the consumption of the
Use synonyms
Computer
Fix the agreement mistake
Computers
show examples
 has become compulsory for the current generation. Based on the Chart, it was proven that the
ownership
Use synonyms
 increased over the years. There's no doubt that the evolution of technology and
computer
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
 increase the need for computers in our society.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, ownership, school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consistent increase
  • growing reliance on technology
  • clear correlation
  • digital divide
  • notable growth
  • most pronounced disparity
  • gap reduced considerably
  • percentage growth
  • higher educational levels
  • educational groups
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