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Band 5

BIG SALARY IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN JOB SATISFACTION. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#salary #job #satisfaction
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 number of
people
 think earning a
lot
 of
money
 is more significant than the
satisfaction
 of
work
 when they choose a
job
. I partially agree because
althogh
Correct your spelling
although
 receiving a
lot
 of salaries gives
people
 many advantages,
this
 cannot be
any
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 alternative to the
satisfaction
 of
work
.
Firstly
, earning a
lot
 of
money
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 working
people
 with a chance to improve the quality of their lives. It is commonly known that
money
 can help
people
 satisfy their desire
such
 as luxurious life. In
this
 respect, if human beings have a
lot
 of
money
, they can
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
 fancy accommodations and enjoy a
lot
 of
acitivities
Correct your spelling
activities
 that are costly
such
 as purchasing products and
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad It is clear that by spending a
lot
Add the preposition
oflot
show examples
money
, they feel joy and
happy
Replace the word
happiness
show examples
 from their lives and remind of the reason for
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
show examples
 their
job
 continually.
Therefore
, it is evident that
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 salary is the most significant factor
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
others. In spite of the above view,
job
satisfaction
 is a pivotal role in having an occupation. because
this
 helps
people
 who have a
job
work
 for a longer time than a higher salary.
For instance
, Korean Times has reported that
people
 regard finishing their
work
 on time as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
job
satisfaction
 and the number of
people
 who
work
 consider that
this
 is important since after their
work
 they can spend more time for themselves.
This
 helps
people
 relieve stress and focus on their
work
 more.
Therefore
, it is clear that earning a
lot
 of salaries cannot be changed to
work
satisfaction
 as the most significant factor when working. In conclusion, it is undeniable that the value of
money
ocuppy
Correct your spelling
occupy
 the large part of our life, but
this
 cannot be
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 choice when
people
 have a
job
.
Submitted by thgus6883 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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