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Band 5

Governments should introduce hea/tltcare wlticlt prevents illness ratlzer than cures. How far do you agree witlt tltis statement?

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Healthcare is very important for everyone in the world but it can be very expensive. Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
governments
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 should try to prevent illness by making sure everyone in their country has a healthy lifestyle. I agree that preventing illness is better than curing it. The cost of medical treatment can be high so
governments
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 have to think of ways to encourage
people
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 to be healthier. If
people
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 are healthy, they will not need medical care so often. Many diseases can be prevented if
people
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 have good diets,
take
Verb problem
apply
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exercise and give up unhealthy habits
such
Linking Words
 as smoking. If
people
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 cannot work or care for themselves or their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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due to
Linking Words
ill~ess
Correct your spelling
illness
,
this
Linking Words
 will cost
governments
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 and taxpayers a lot of money. In my opinion,
governments
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 should spend money on producing information leaflets and films which encourage
people
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 to follow healthy lifestyles,
such
Linking Words
 as eating plenty of fruit and vegetables,
taking
Verb problem
getting
show examples
 regular exercise and giving up smoking.
Governments
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 should ~ try to reduce environmental pollution because
this
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 can cause illness and health problems.
However
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, having a healthy lifestyle cannot prevent all health problems. There are many diseases,
such
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 as cancer, which are a result of living in the modern world and which cannot be prevented by a healthy lifestyle. Accidents at work or on the roads will
also
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 cause injuries which need medical treatment. If
governments
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 focus mainly on prevention, there may be less money for urgent healthcare and many
people
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 could suffer. In conclusion, I believe that
governments
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 should provide a balance of prevention and treatment because of the different types of health problems, but their main focus should be on prevention rather than cure.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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