IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people prefer to have temporary jobs, which means they only work a few months in a year and use the rest of the time to do what they want. What is your opinion?

#people #jobs #work #months #year #rest #time
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Nowadays, some
people
Use synonyms
 tend to
work
Use synonyms
 for several months a year and spend
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of
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time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
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 on leisure things. While others believe that it’s necessary to keep a full-
time
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job
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 to fulfil family needs. To me, both views have their own benefits,
Linking Words
this
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In this
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 essay I will discuss
this
Linking Words
 topic from
different
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a different
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perspective
Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
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 and confirm my own opinion. On one hand,
development
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the development
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 of society and
economy
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the economy
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 has changed in recent decades,
people
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 have more
opportunity
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opportunities
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 to choose their lifestyle.
Firstly
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, some
people
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 are able to
work
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 for a flexible occupation due to the nature of their
job
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 is easy to allocate working
time
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.
In particular
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, the self-media owner, who
work
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 together with
customer
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the customer
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 to select
product
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a product
the product
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, promote branding and host online sales during peak season, like The Black Friday in west countries, and double eleven shopping festival in China, the high return to self-media KOL allow them
Use synonyms
work
Add the particle
to work
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 for several months a year and release them to enjoy rest of
time
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 for leisure.
Secondly
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, some
people
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 prefer to keep
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work-life
Add an article
a work-life
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 balance, they lower their desirable
on
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for
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Add an article
the material
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material
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materials
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 to exchange free
time
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 more care about their health physically and mentally.
Lastly
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, artists tend to teach three days per week in school,
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
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 of
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time
Correct article usage
the time
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 they try different things to light up inspiration, which would support
for
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apply
show examples
art creation to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
Add an article
a dream
the dream
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dream
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dreams
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in
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apply
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artistical
Replace the word
artistic
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 not only
work
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 for earning money or
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 artistic
pursuit
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pursuits
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 but
also
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work
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 based on a sense of responsibility.
For example
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,
people
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work
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 as
doctor
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doctors
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,
teacher
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teachers
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 and soldiers, their
job
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 indispensably should rate at the highest ranking in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society since they are saving
life
Add an article
a life
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, educating children and protecting
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people
Correct article usage
the people
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 of the country.
Furthermore
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,
full-
Correct article usage
a full-time
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time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 is suitable for
people
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 who get married with kids,
stable
Correct article usage
a stable
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 income by
Correct article usage
a full
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full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 is important for a family to buy
nutrition
Replace the word
nutritious
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 food or promote study
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
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 for kids. In conclusion, both of those choices have their own reasons and contribute the same to society, human
are
Change the verb form
is
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 free to make their decision upon on for themselves, which type of
work
Use synonyms
 they prefer.
Submitted by yell00 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • flexibility
  • pursue
  • self-development
  • life satisfaction
  • balance
  • job security
  • financial instability
  • stress and anxiety
  • unemployment
  • long-term financial commitments
  • diverse experiences
  • employability
  • broader perspective
  • adaptable
  • innovative
  • career progression
  • benefits
  • personal growth
  • financial security
  • invest
  • career milestones
What to do next:
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