IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweibgh the disadvantages for the environment?

#countries #people #cars #trend #individuals #outweibgh #environment
In some nations, there is a tendency that individuals
prefers
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to purchase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private cars, and it’s become normal to drive their own
car
 for commuting. It’s sometimes argued that
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the growth of private
car
 ownership is favourable or unfavourable to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature. In my opinion, I do support the latter point of view. It’s undeniable that the development of technology and industrialization provides numerous conveniences and a great amount of improvement in efficiency for both individuals and the economy.
Accordingly
, the corresponding consequences are unignorable and the negative impacts should be considered.
Firstly
, the consumption of fossil
fuelsis
Correct your spelling
fuels is
fuels
 increased dramatically in line with the use of personal vehicles, and resource exhaustion is foreseen in the near future.
Secondly
, the traffic jam became a hot topic in some metropolises due to more and more
people
 preferring to drive their own
car
 for work,
actually
Add a comma
,actually
show examples
 it
resulted
Add the preposition
inresulted
fromresulted
show examples
 traffic burden along with the maintenance spending on infrastructures.
Thirdly
,
people
 are concerned
the
Change preposition
about the
show examples
 rising level of air pollution driven by private cars in use in most of the world's cities.
In particular
, the toxic erosion in the atmosphere leads to some health problems, and harm to plants and animals, the potential tremendous risk is uncountable.
However
, the behaviour of driving personal vehicles is detrimental both
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
economically and mentally. To be precise, it costs the youth three years or even more annual income to buy a private
car
, as it is unaffordable to a newly graduated university young
people
 and sometimes just due to psychological comparison.
In addition
,
people
 favour
to own
Change the verb form
owning
show examples
 a private
car
 for each adult in a family is a kind of resource-wasting,
people
 should find alternative solutions for resource allocation and think carefully about how to deal with the disposal
autombiles
Correct your spelling
automobiles
 but no damage to our planet. In conclusion, the rising trend of having a personal vehicle is a disadvantage for the environment, the government and individuals should take responsibility to lower the negative effects on our plants and species.on
Submitted by yell00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: