IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Somew people say that individuals who make a lot of money are the mostr successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are more successful. Diccuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is believed that individual money makers are the most successful,
whereas
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 others consider that society contributors,
such
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 as scientists and tutors are much more successful than the former.
This
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 essay reckons that wealthy individuals' success is logical and may be correct, whilst the latter is more insightful and is the best option in terms of morality. On the one hand, there are several reasons why the vast majority of
people
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 consider that highly profiting workers aim their goals.
Firstly
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 there is no doubt that the rich can allow themselves to gain luxurious and expensive brand items, like jewellery, vehicles, food, and
closing
Correct your spelling
clothing
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.
Secondly
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, it is obvious that employees who are financially stable are in a high position in a large company.
For example
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, it is much easier to open own business and run it for
such
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people
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,
as well as
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 successful start-ups, which will improve the economy of the
country
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.
On the other hand
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, the importance of contributors to society cannot be denied, since the wealthy are the scientists and
teachers'
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teachers
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 result of their contribution to the development of the
country
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 and the future generations. It means that rich
people
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 are prosperous thanks to the teachers who teach economics and
scientists
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scientists'
scientist's
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 money forecast, reflecting
in
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apply
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the development of the
country
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.
For example
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,
people
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 are taught to read economic forecasts for changes in the currency.
To conclude
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,
this
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 essay believes that
although
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 a large amount of money allows you to get expensive things and improve the economy of the
country
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 with start-ups, the real success lies in those who invest in the development of society and future generations.

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Task Achievement
The essay does not fully address the task, and the ideas are not developed with enough detail to form a clear and comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is unclear, and there are issues with coherence and cohesion. Each paragraph lacks clear connection to the previous and following ones.
Lexical Resource
The essay lacks a wide range of vocabulary and exhibits some inaccuracies in word choice, resulting in a limited lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
There are several grammatical errors in the essay, including articles, tense, and agreement errors. The range of sentence structures is also limited.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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