IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation,such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money.Other argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give opinions

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations
Some in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society are of
an
Correct article usage
the
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 opinion that the best way is to accept bad situations like frustrating jobs and lack of money,
while
 others think it's always better to try and improve these grounds.
This
 essay hopes to discuss both these views and
arrives
Correct subject-verb agreement
arrive
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 at a viable conclusion. On one hand,people are of the opinion that difficulties
such
 as frustrating jobs and lack of money are common to all and the best solution is to accept the situation as it is. To elaborate
further
, there are thousands of less fortunate people in our society who can't even afford basic human needs
such
 as food, clothing and housing.
Also
, some have been continuously warring without a job.
Therefore
, having something is always better than nothing, even if
those
Correct pronoun usage
it
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are
Verb problem
does
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 not
fulfilling
Wrong verb form
fulfil
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 the expected standards.
For example
, most African countries have to depend on various organisations for food assistance.
On the other hand
,there are many alternatives to improve bad situations. To explain it
further
,nothing will improve without giving it a try. I'm a firm believer that improvements are always possible with a correct type of attitude and a considerable amount of effort.
For Instance
, there are hundreds of scholarship programmes to help those in need. Not only that , recorded success stories can be seen all over the world. In conclusion,
although
 there are many reasons for people to accept all unfavourable circumstances, I strongly believe that these can be improved in many ways to reach the expected level of success.
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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the topic and presents both views adequately. However, it could benefit from a stronger stance on the writer's opinion and a more balanced discussion of both perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The paragraph development and transitions are effective, but there is room for improvement in supporting the main points with deeper analysis and more specific examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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